Wednesday, November 26, 2008

You Can't Crank Country Music...PERIOD!!!

Okay, I'm doing my tour of S.W. Mo. and when I stopped in Aurora I stepped out of Walmart to have Merle and Jimmy Joe Jim Bob(complete with Realtree camo caps adding to the authenticity of their redneckness) drive past me with the windows rolled down and they were cranking some country music(what it was, I don't know, I don't listen to that redneck noise). I laughed...very loud as it was that funny at the time. I think everyone else was either equally as amused as me or they were laughing at my laughter...who knows?

Now, I can actually understand if someone has gone through the trouble and expense of a nice stereo system and they want to crank some tunes, been there, done that. For the record, Hip-hop, rock, heavy metal, those actually qualify as the variety that can be used for such an activity. Now, has anyone ever tried to crank a country music song? It's not a good look, you may as well crank children's music as you will look equally as cool(try it next time using the Barney theme song, Dora or anything like that, you'll piss yourself laughing so hard at the silliness). Bottom line, if you crank country music thinking you got some game nailed down, recognize that game recognizes game and you will look all shades of unfamiliar.

To anyone who wants to debate this, you are wrong, plain and simple, now deal.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Bad Roll Model

I made a post about this last year and now I'm doing it again because I still find it nauseating. Lambert's Cafe will be selling their "throwed rolls" for $4.99($5.38 with tax) a dozen. For once, the price is not different or if anything, has gone up. Year after year I witnessed the price of those damn things creep up. They realized they had a good thing going so in the spirit of free market capitalism, they capitalized on the laziness of those with the discretionary income who more than likely just wanted the pleasure of dropping that nugget of info to anyone who will listen to them. This year I give them YET another resounding "BOOOOOO" for perpetrating this shameless act of profiteering in the midst of a slowing economy. If there are any of you out there that know of someone who might be buying these damn things, do me a solid and talk them out of it. I think these jokers need to be taught a lesson, seriously! I want to piss on their roll pans this year for being ass hats.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Guns N' Roses, Metallica...Who Cares? But, I Will Take That Dr. Pepper

I had a chance to kill some time and try to unplug and get my mind off the crap that has recently taken over with the recent events. I'm about to sum up Guns N' Roses AND Metallica's newest projects in one fail swoop. Here's the verdict: "I now know what a midlife crisis sounds like". There you have it and quite frankly, that's all they are BOTH worth at this time. Both of these bands don't have all their original members, let alone their original drive to do their best FOR THE FANS. While Metallica is just missing Jason Newsted, they are also suffering lack luster writing and guitar work from the rest of the guys and DON'T EVEN get me started on that whiny bitch Lars Ulrich and his drum playing. Who taught Lars how to use a ride cymbal and told him it was a good idea to use this technique??? Whoever it was needs to be shot. Now, back to GNR or the what's left of them. The only thing original left in this band is Axl, I mean Rose(sort of). Here I thought Use Your Illusion I&II sucked...Perhaps "Chinese Democracy" should have been titled, "Use Your Delusion". I have three words left for GNR, "Next stop, Branson." Maybe you can make it there SOLELY on your namesake just like the other yester-year hacks. The only thing that was pleasant coming from this new release is the free Dr. Pepper that was offered up for releasing this crock of shit before the year was up. Seems like the folks at Dr. Pepper got screwed on this deal. The only thing that I could think of that would be an even worse investment would be buying the Detroit Lions. By the way, for those of you that heard of the bomb threat at Best Buy this morning, turns out it was just the release of Chinese Democracy...damage estimates are yet to be determined.

Chinese Democracy = Audio Metamucil

Death Magnetic = Sponataneous Explosive Diarrhea

Thursday, November 20, 2008

That Ain't Right!

I'll need you guys to talk amongst yourselves for a bit. I have had one of the worst 5 days I believe I've ever had or at least makes the top 5 of all time and I'm not feelin' it right now. So if you would, if there's something you want to get off your chest, do it here. Me, if i were to do it here, it would divulge more than I'm willing to spill right now and would take up a lot of space. Not sure what I'll be thankful for come next week. All I'm going to say right now is that I'm really pissed and I'm not dealing with it very well. But for now, this ain't about me, it's about some others that really need family right about now. I'm doing my best to deal, I just need a break. Thanks everyone.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Spaghetti Or Fettucine Alfredo?

I'm hungry and I can't decide. So, I asked myself, "Self, what would King Leonidas put on his pasta?" So I asked and got this response:
Red Sauce On Pasta
I did feel the boot in the end was a bit unnecessary, I just wasn't sure.

Don't forget, take a canned good to McD's and get a free McCafe drink hot or cold. No like coffee, then like the hot chocolate, it's part of the deal. Now, do I want regular or decaf?

EDIT: I decided that it might be a good idea to give you guys a heads up on Black Friday that's coming up. Due to the shitty economy, don't expect the Holy Grail of deals this year. Anyway, if you want to check out the ad scans of what's coming up, then click here

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Honestly, Do You Need <--THAT--> Much Room???

Seriously! Last night, driving in metro Springfield and I'm at a busy intersection and I see a car ahead of me and to the right, someone who is at the same stoplight and stopped nearly 3 car lengths(no shit) away from the person in front of them. Is that much open real estate necessary? I'm all for traffic safety and all, but DAMN, 3 car lengths??? Did Wonder Woman trade in the jet for a stretch limo or something? What did I miss? Did the person in front of them produce an anal by-product so heinous to the point that in got into their ventilation system? I've seen my fair share of spazz cases, but this is bullshit.

I have seen this a number of times, but for some reason, it really struck a cord with me this time around. Again this was at night and I couldn't see who was driving, so I couldn't automatically assume the obvious that it was so old fart in their late 80's and should have ditched the license thing YEARS ago. For all I know, this could have been some teenager or young/old adult that got a hold of some skunk bud(if you have to ask, you lived a deprived life...know that and recognize).

Anyway, you wouldn't find this much gap in Michael Strahan's smile:

So help me, if it wasn't for the car in front of me, I would have pulled right in front of them and maybe moved back and forth a few times just for good measure. I mean to tell you there was a lot of room there. About as much empty space as in Rush Limbaugh's head, yet not enough for his ego. Please people, if you know anyone who drives like this, make a difference and either smack them or confiscate their license.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

How Do You Apologize From Being A Shitty Friend?

Just this weekend, I reconnected with a real friend of mine that I had back in high school. Shortly after graduation, me and him drifted apart and it was ALL my fault. I had another friend that became a more frequent influence and trust me when I say it wasn't a good thing. I believe I have made mention of this pseudo friend some time ago and how he wasn't necessarily the best influence on yours truly. Well anyway, getting back to the friend that matters, I wrote him an email of sorts some time ago apologizing for my lack of judgement and for being such a rotten friend. In true form, he didn't even see things that way and said there was no need to apologize(at that point I could have crawled under a rock for feeling even more guilty for letting go a friend like that). He is THE ONLY person that I keep in touch with that I went to high school with as I pretty much wrote off my former classmates. Anyway, we got to talking and had a few laughs and even caught up in the goings on in each other's lives. It was as if no time had ever really transpired in the sense of the tone and demeanor in how we were able to talk to one another. I even felt like I was a teenager again, it's a nice feeling and great to get back to basics and what makes up the person that is me.

I have made mention to some of the people who frequent this blog that I am a lousy friend as I tend to be a bit self-absorbed at times and it has a tendency to shape my attitude and conversations. A friend like the one I have doesn't even look at that at all, he just knows it's me and rolls with it. Wow, again how do you apologize for being a shitty friend? Especially to a person that still regards you as being a great and best friend? People like this don't come around all the time and I now encourage any of you that may have a situation like me and try to extend that hand of friendship.

The thing is this, this great friend of mine did absolutely nothing to warrant such a senseless act on my part, nothing at all. It was all me and I have to just deal. This time, things are and WILL be different. So here's to a real friend, the kind of friend that I think everyone should have. Hopefully, you guys are "that" friend and not the other sorry ass that is...well, me.

I am the Complaints Department Manager and I most certainly approve this long overdue message.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

What To Do Now the Election Is Over?

Now that all the fire is slowly dying from Tuesday, time to move on to something more entertaining until the silly season that I have decided to jump the gun on. How about some Walmart Bingo? Any takers? Thanks to Jim for his contribution to card number 3. For increased difficulty, try going at around 3 AM as to find the real "Who's Who" of mental illness. Also, this would be a great way to kill time while your getting your oil changed, if you go to the one in Ozark, you may be able to achieve blackout before it's done...on all 3 cards.

Help the Ozarks Food Harvest And Get A Free McCafe Coffee At McD's!


You heard right from November 1-23 you can get a free McCafe coffee at McDonalds by just donating canned goods to help the Ozarks Food Bank, it's just that simple. Straight from Denise Gibson at the Ozarks Food Bank:
“For any consumer that comes through the drive-in or steps into a McDonalds and brings a non-perishable food item, a canned good or a couple of canned goods, they will give that customer a free McCafe coffee.”

Don't like coffee or McD's coffee? Settle, there's an option for hot chocolate. Hmmmm, hot chocolate ay? Can I get an order of Kerry Washington to go?

EDIT:I have been told that this is NATIONWIDE! This is what you call, "Win, Win". Spend a buck or less and get one of these(picture).

I'm the Complaints Department Manager and I approve this message.(including the pathetic plea at the end)

Monday, November 3, 2008

Thank God Baseball Season Is Over!

Who needs Ambien? Watching 5 minutes of excitement, extended out into 3 hours of play, simply amazing. Only thing for someone like me to do at an event like this is what you see here. I know I'm shitting on someone's parade, if you plan on responding, it better be funny.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Prayer Chain Emails

Look, I hate these things because they are SO sappy and play on your feelings of guilt, which is about a half second thought in my head. You know which ones I'm talking about, they all want you to do the same thing, "forward this email to 10 other people you want to bless and your prayer and mine will come true." REALLY??? So, if I pass this on to 10 other people who will roll their eyes and curse me as they read it, MY prayer AND yours will come true??? So, you're telling me that Rachael Ray will finally end that sham of a marriage, drop her restraining order against me and actually WANT to mother my children? SHIT, COUNT ME IN!!!

I just love how these things have a convincing closing argument. "This really does work, it worked for me and it will for you too." This makes about as much sense to me as those people that win those HUGE poker tournaments and the first thing they say is, "I just want to thank God right now for helping me win this (gambling)tournament." Yeah, thank God for allow you to indulge your gambling habit with your children's tuition along with hundreds of others doing the exact same with disastrous results that you DON'T hear about while witnessing this wonderful Cinderella story. There's an even better closer that REALLY plays on the guilt, "If you don't forward this, my prayer won't come true either." WOW, this is like getting that phone call when you've missed somebody's birthday, kind of guilt. So, if I don't forward this email, that chick you think is banging your husband at work won't drop dead today? Damn, I'm tempted to save a life for preservation and for entertainment purposes right now.

I hope nobody out there encourages this kind of behavior. If you do and you forward this crap to me, I'll find a way to get you spammed with the best porno, Canadian pharmacy, amazing stock tips or Nigerian lottery letters of someone needing a foreign intermediary available.

I'm the Complaints Department Manager and I approve this message.