Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Resolutions Suck!!!

I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but I HATE NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!!! To me, they are a waste of time and so complacent. Instead, some time back, I made one final resolution to never again make resolutions. If anything, I try to make my own mini goals throughout the year. Hell, I made one before Christmas. Another thing I might suggest, don't say, "This is going to be MY year." Note: If you claim a year, chances are it will claim you. (Not if, but when it goes awry)You will waste endless amounts of time wondering what went wrong when the answer is simple, you claimed the year.

On a different note, I was searching through my phone and found some pictures I took and forgot about, these are less than 10 days old so, it ain't old news.

Sorry about the blurriness, but this is a Missouri State Trooper...Truck??? This guy actually had someone pulled over. Man, that's like getting busted by your dad. No speeding ticket, just grounded for a month.

This is a picture of a sign that has multiple postings all over Springfield. My question is this, are these things still necessary? I think this town(Yes, Springfield I still see as a town and not a full fledged city yet) is beyond this.

Okay, if I have to explain as to why I think this is funny, then you seriously lived a life that was sheltered. All I can say is, took 'em long enough to bottle the stuff.

Thursday, December 25, 2008


Don't forget that Christmas Stroy will be on at least 10 times today. I triple dog dare all of you to do something like this today.
Xmas story

Approved by Snider Claus

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


I really don't have a lot to do right now and I can't go walking. I started walking yesterday and halfway through it started pissing rain so all I got was 4 miles in yesterday, not good. So, the only thing I have to do is cook. I made something tasty yesterday, check this out:

I made this with eggs, ham sausage and cream cheese and topped with a 5 blend of cheese. Today, I'm working on a few things. I decided to make a dessert bread for tomorrow. This bread has Cinnamon, brown sugar and chocolate chips and DAMN, it's not just off the chain, it broke the damn thing! Here's how it turned out:

Here it is as a doughball

And here's how it turned out after baking

I will say this, I'm no Darius, but I do what I can. One of these days, I'll make a great wife to some lucky girl...(TYSGIRL, JENNYLU NOT...A FUCKING...WORD!) Okay, enough of this estrogen overload, time for some manly stick fighting:

Monday, December 22, 2008

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Indeed, this was the first thing that popped into my head as I read the headline of this story. Lisa Torti had good intentions of trying to rescue her possibly inebriated friend that left the same party at 1:30 A.M. and may have been inebriated herself. Evidently, Torti saw the accident happen and thought the car may explode and in thinking such, decided to try to pull her alleged friend from the car as to not watch her go up in smoke. In doing so, she treated her friend like a "rag doll" and pulled her from the wreckage carelessly. Alexandra Van Horn(rag doll and victim in question) became a paraplegic from Torti's actions. So, to prove that no good deed goes unpunished, Van Horn is now suing Torti for putting her in this condition despite her efforts and good intentions. A supreme Court ruling found in favor of Van Horn that Torti should have used "due care" when in a high stress and volatile situation.

So, what have we learned by this situation? Funny thing is, I see both sides on the issue. But, to anyone who is not a stranger to this story, they may think twice before coming to someone's rescue for fear they may be sued if they do not rescue the person "properly". Can you imagine someone asking someone at a terrible accident asking if they'll be sued if rescue them?


"Dude, that's a pretty fucked up position you're in, do you want me to rescue you? Yes? Well, I need you to repeat that to these witnesses that are just now coming over here...Hey, are any of you a notary?!?! I think I better get this in writing before I do anything or I may just leave your ass hanging, no pun intended and no offense."

Friday, December 19, 2008

Complaint Department Manager: GUILTY of Culinary Inefficiency and Embezzlement of 20 Pounds!

Ozark, Mo. - The Complaint Department Manager was found guilty today of multiple counts of Culinary Inefficiency and Embezzlement of 20 pounds over the course of 3 months, investigators say. When asked about the findings, the Complaint Department Manager had no comment as he was also found shredding grocery receipts. In response to this verdict the Complaints Department released this statement:

We here at the Complaints Department are shocked and disappointed in the actions of the Complaints Department Manager. We simply would like to say that such actions will not be tolerated as we pride ourselves on our reputation of accountability.
Just as much as we like to provide the occasional pat on the back, we must also give the slap on the wrist when necessary. In recent months, he has(unknown to everyone) been on a campaign of self indulgence that we believe started with a junket to Kansas City. When we approached him recently about this situation, he denied any wrong doing and insisted that there must be a mistake and insisted that any activity(or inactivity) he was involved with was in response to help stimulate the economy. This statement was mentioned again as we presented the evidence against him:
Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Other evidence was to be presented, but has since disappeared suspiciously. When he was asked why better alternatives were not procured, he stated that he was trying to meet the demands of cookies and ice cream at that time. It was at this time that an example needed to be made. The Complaint Department Manager is hereby ordered to resume the better options that were pursued this past summer EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! This means 8 mile walks for no less than 3 times a week with special provisions in regards to inclement weather, NO EXCEPTIONS. All consumption of culinary inefficient products are hereby seized until further notice. A regiment of 300 calorie meals issued 5 times daily with a "no tolerance" order from deviation of this plan. Also, if not already apparent, the Complaint Department Manager will be confined to the 1st, 2nd and 3rd person for the entire post. It was at this time the Complaint Department Manager asked for a 2 half-gallon and 2 pint bailout to finish out the year which was quickly struck down. Before hearing an appeal, he was ordered to a closed door weigh-in session, after which, he quickly withdrew his appeal. It is further ordered that if noticeable changes are not made before the end of the year, a food/exercise czar will be appointed and paid for by the Complaint Department Manager.

The Complaints Department would like to offer an apology at this time for any inconvenience this has or may cause to anyone at any time. As stated earlier, we here at the Complaints Department pride ourselves on accountability and look ahead to correct this situation as expeditiously as possible.*

We would like to thank you for your understanding during this unfortunate period.

*Terms and conditions: Offer void in Houston, Philadelphia, Detroit and Memphis as no one there has cause to point fingers. Some restrictions may apply and may be altered at any time. The Complaints Department reserves the right to cancel, suspend or resend this offer at any time for any reason and cannot be transferred to other non-deserving bloggers/anonymous posters. Limit one per blogger with current good standing at the Complaints Department.

I am the Complaint Department Manager and I...hear and obey.


I posted sometime ago about these people from Arkansas. She finally had #18. I may start a pool on where they'll draw the line. Right now, I say it will be 20. Any takers?

How does this woman's uterus stay in? With all the stretch marks, I'm sure there are parts of her body that will look like a topographical map of the Serengeti. China called, they said "Enough already!" I'm sure most of Utah will want to fit this brood with some magic underwear. By the way, is it the LDS church or the LSD church? Think about it. Normally, I have called Suburbans "Mormon Wagons", however, I now submit "The Duggar Speed Wagon":(compliments of Jim Lee)

This is the only way they'll be ever to get this bunch in one vehicle that doesn't involve an R.V. Here are the kids and they're "rank":
Joshua 20
Jana 18
John-David 18
Jill, 17
Jessa 16
Jinger 14
Joseph 13
Josiah 12
Joy-Anna 11
Jeremiah 9
Jedidiah 9
Jason 8
James 7
Justin 6
Jackson 4
Johannah 3
Jennifer 1
and now Jordyn-Grace


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Have A Heavy Metal Christmas!!!

It hasn't been that long, but that playlist was already getting a bit old for me. So, I decided to take doc's advice and do more head bangin'. All you need now is more cowbell.

I haven't heard any complaints yet on the music, nor have I received any requests, so I'm playin' this by ear...literally. Finals are, so that's finally out of the way. With the free time, I may put up more the blog. It just doesn't seem obnoxious enough yet. Suggestions? Comments?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Twas The Night Before Xmas by The Skoal Brothers

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the trailor.
My sister woke up, while I was trying to nail 'er.
The socks was all hung, on my big mounted bass,
In hopes that St. Leon would be hauling ass.
The young'uns bunked down, all snug on the floor,
Each one had a dip, so they slept near the door.
Sis in her 105 shirt, and her John Deere cap,
Looked purty as a naked silouhette on a truck mud flap.
When out in the dog pen, there arose such a clatter,
I got up from sis, to see what was the matter.
When what to my swollen red eyes should I see,
A pink Coup De Ville, 1973.
He staggered so much, I thought, "What was he on"?
And could I buy some of that, from old St. Leon?
All my dogs started barkin, he started to shout,
Dog's hate St. Leon, you figure it out.
"Hey Whitey, Hey Crackerboy", he called me by name,
So I called off my dogs, and on up he came.
When he stepped on my porch, there was such a vibration,
I thanked God I installed a concrete foundation.
He was dressed all in fur, and chains made of gold,
On his feet were Air Jorden's, I 'specked he stoled.
Yes, he had toys, there was no mistakin,
But I still wasn't sure if he was given, er taken.
It was then that he pulled a knife from his sack,
As I readied myself for a Leon attack.
St. Leon surprised me and gave me great glee,
When he gift wrapped the knife, and put it under the tree.
He continued by filling the socks up with skoal,
His good deeds made me feel, like a major bung hole.
Then layin' his finger on the gold stud on his nose,
He said, "Hey Opey Taylor, I gots to goes".
He jumped in his caddy, and turned on the ignition,
Drove down the dirt road, to continue his mission.
I heard him yell out, as I opened a beer,
"Hey you honky white trash, see you mo'fo's next year".

This is just one of those things you get to hear while living in Arkansas
R.I.P. Magic 105

Monday, December 15, 2008

New Addition To the Complaints Department..For the Holidays

Seeing as how it's Christmas, I have been extra jovial lately, especially since I took my Geology final and scored a 194/200. I thought since I was in the spirit of things, I thought I might pass it along. In fact, EVERYONE should know the song they first hear on this blog(no peaking) as it is MOST important to the holidays. If you have to ask, you're in some sad shape.

I took songs of different varieties and slapped them together. I thought this would be a nice compilation rather than force you into listening to my head bangin' tunes. The song list is what I have so far, I may indulge requests, especially if there's a grand consensus. I hope you enjoy the tunes and crank them up if you so choose.

Thanks to Caspar for having this little feature on her blog so I can shamelessly steal it.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

More Fun With Parking Lot Douchebags

Once again, I found YET ANOTHER parking lot douchebag. This one is in the rather busy parking lot of Springfield's Nakato Steak House. The parking lot isn't that big and it shares space with El Chico next door. Last Night was unusually busy, but then again, it is Christmas time. This is what you DO NOT do in ANY parking lot at Christmas time. People like me are always around and will find ways of making examples of you. This douchebag(for now) is lucky that all that happened to his bucket was a photo being taken. I've seen car keys employed in a most foul manner in order to proceed with well deserved street justice. In my day, I have done worse to get these dip shit's attention. At least this asshole didn't interfere with me getting a really nice dinner, the steak was great and so was the hibachi show, nice skills.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

That Ain't Right!

Normally I do this on a Friday, but I'm trying not to ignore the blog as I have been VERY busy with school wrapping up with the last tests and finals in the next few days. Couple that with me fulfilling some contracts and also trying to get time to work out at the Habitat for Humanity project at the North end of town.

So, in the spirit of gamesmanship and just plain "talk about wrong doing" talk, I encourage you all to mention what has pissed you off lately in hopes to leave it here on go on feeling better, perhaps. My big thing is just this whole semester being a bit of a disappointment for me, I just didn't bring it this time, but that will change next semester. I'm just glad that tomorrow is the last day and I DID manage to qualify for 2 classes of opting out of the final. Now that I spilled mine, it's your turn, but before that, amuse yourselves with this:

Thursday, December 4, 2008


I was in Joplin, Mo. today doing a job. After I was done, I started to leave town when I remembered what a guy who worked for Coke told me about how Pibb and Pibb Zero was sold in J-town. I didn't need no stinkin' shopping cart. I loaded up and headed to checkout, that's how I roll. I never had Pibb Zero before, so I was taking a bit of a chance on buying this stuff, it kinda reminded me of me buying the Stinger Missile II without test driving it first, just not as much money changed hands. Soon as I got home, I cracked one of these open and man, this shit is good! It was a good purchase indeed. I now have this to go with my Coke Zero, hot damn!

I am the Complaints Department Manager and I have Pibb Zero and YOU don't!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Image From the Vault

Dr. Sardonicus tagged me with a meme(of which I'm taking as payback for me tagging him). So, the thing is I had to pull the 4th photo from the "My Pictures" folder no matter what it was and state 4 things about it, if I understood correctly. Thing is I have separate photos in separate folders in that particular folder. So, I pulled the 4th photo from the 4th folder and came up with this oddly enough. I'm just glad the 5th didn't come up. So, here goes:

1. Yes, that's me puking, I was hungover in Orlando, FL. some 10 years ago. I was still drunk and it's 11:00 the next day.
2. This was the most intoxicated I had ever been in my life. The evening consisted of(in order): A hurricane from Pat O'Brien's, a shot of tequila from Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville, a tall shot of Captain Morgan from Nascar Cafe, 2 shots of Captain Morgan at Dan Marion's tavern, 2 shots of Captain Morgan at Bahama Breeze and polished off with a 64 oz of a frozen grape Everclear concoction from Lulu's bait Shack.
3. This is no lie, I have the glassware to prove it as well as witnesses and photos.
4. The photo was taken in the rear parking of a Burger King. A car was pulling into the space behind me as I let out a big heave. The car pulled back and left the parking lot.

Now that this out of the way, if you have read any of this by now, consider yourself tagged. My sadistic side is going for widespread affliction for this meme. It was either that or no tagging at all. I hope you all have enjoyed my suffering.

I am the Complaints Department Manager and I don't ever approve of this behavior...or message.