Mike Beard, a Republican state representative from Minnesota, recently argued that coal mining should resume in the Land of 10,000 Lakes, in part because he believes God has created an earth that will provide unlimited natural resources.
"God is not capricious. He's given us a creation that is dynamically stable," Beard told MinnPost. "We are not going to run out of anything."
Beard is currently in the midst of drafting legislation that would overturn Minnesota's moratorium on coal-fired power plants, an effort that he backs due to his religious belief that God will provide limitless resources while ensuring that humans don't destroy the planet trying to get them.
Drawing on his family's childhood property in Pennsylvania, Beard explained to MinnPost his belief that while resource extraction might cause temporary agitation to the landscape, the effects wouldn't be long-term.
"Our farm was mined for coal three times," Beard said. "And, now we stand on a point and look over barley and wheat and pines. Did we temporarily disrupt the face of the earth? Yes, but when we were done, we put it all back together again."
This observation appears to be indicative of Beard's larger religious belief that God acts as the tireless custodian of the planet.
"It is the height of hubris to think we could [destroy the earth]," Beard told MinnPost, before saying that even devastating nuclear events shouldn't cast doubt on his theory that the earth can always be repaired.
"How did Hiroshima and Nagasaki work out? We destroyed that, but here we are, 60 years later and they are tremendously effective and livable cities. Yes, it was pretty horrible. But, can we recover?" Beard asked. "Of course we can."
So, if this is the case, then all of those "shortages" of oil and other precious resources were lies manufactured by our friends in big business. You know, those guys that will provide this country with a gazillion jobs if we give them the tax cuts they so righteously deserve, remember? And after we tap those oil reserves 3 times, we will have them magically replaced by a bumper crop of Captain Crunch Berries!!!
Actually, those tales by big business are bullshit as they have seen how much revenue can be made by outsourcing American jobs and even replacing humans with machine/computerized labor. But then again, I could be wrong. Well, you know what? I think what we ought to do is take a page out of their playbook and hold their shit hostage until they get their shit in order. How will this go down? Simple. All we have to do is hold their tax cuts hostage until they remove their overseas operations and bring them back home IN ADDITION to add at least a 20% increase in job growth as a token of good faith. After all, somebody needs to keep these fuckers honest. But, I digress...
With the help of Mike Beard's friend on high, we'll have MORE than enough resources provided for us to make those American jobs a reality. Sound good to you? I thought so.
I am the Complaint Department Manager and I approve this blasphemy.