Saturday, September 4, 2010

I Lost My Damn Appetite

Just now, I was looking for a lunch and possible dinner grab. I haven't been to Chili's in a long time(Not since I went and saw that good-for-nothing loafer Longroofer). The thought was to do a to-go from Chili's...

That is until(for God only knows what possible reason I did this) I looked at the nutritional information on the items I was eye-balling...longingly. Here's what I found from the choices I would have made. AND GODDAMMIT NO, I WASN'T GOING TO EAT THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!!! Anyway, here they are:

BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich
Serving Size: As Served on a White Bun
w/ Fries, unless otherwise indicated

Cal: 1250
Sat Fat(g): 14
Sod(mg): 3320

Oldtimer® Burger

Serving Size:As Served on a White Bun
w/ Fries, unless otherwise indicated

Cal: 1260
Fat(g): 62
Sat Fat(g): 16
Sod(mg): 3140

These were 2 of my top 2 choices that I "was" thinking about. Just for the sake of argument, let's say I ate the whole damn thing. the next time I would be able to eat would be Tuesday which would be a day of "juicing". Which is a day that NOBODY wants to be your roommate, let alone friend.

I would have enough Sodium in me alone to sue Sony for not getting permission to use the name Salt in their movie. That is unless I haven't stroked out by then. There's enough sodium here for the next snowfall, to which I would just drag my bare ass across the driveway to melt the ice. When the salt industry does it's taxes next time, it would list me as a dependent.

Just looking at the fat content makes me sick to all 4 of my stomachs! I wouldn't know what to put on in the morning: deodorant or a honey glaze, or perhaps pineapple slices with cherries? All that fat in me could land me a part in the next filming of Precious.

I am the Complaint Department Manager and I'm going to Subway.


Sue said...

C do you remember last year when you emailed me a photo of this free lunch you were so proud to snag?? It was pure fried fat, chicken or shrimp or something like that and I think fries too. It looked mighty good but probably that day you ate a few months worth of fat! LOL!

But hey, sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do!

Complaint Department Manager said...

Yes, Sue. But keep in mind, I didn't see the nutritional info of that load I snagged. I probably would have been less glutton-like had I did.

Sue said...

I've had my glutton-ness days too, mighty good!

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

One of the worst things to ever happen to menus is calorie counts. Do you know how much less pleasure I derive from ordering in restaurants these days? What can I have that won't kill me or expand my fat ass further? Even seemingly harmless chains are killer. I avoid Cafe Europe after going to their website and seeing the calorie counts in their sandwiches. Yikes!