Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Most Useless Things Put On A Car In Missouri.

Every once and a while, I have to hit the interstate for work related purposes. In doing so, I do enjoy being able to drive at a higher rate of speed. However, the local yokels (and assorted dipshits from Oklahoma, Illinois, Texas, Arkansas,etc...) seem to be hitting the interstate the same time I do. When this happens, traffic becomes a cluster fuck. Passing to these people is something you do in life or in the bathroom. Thus, the cruise control is the most useless thing to put on a car as it will NEVER get used. Every time I get around to setting it, Merle jumps into the passing lane and proceeds(for a lack of a better word) to pass at approximately 1/2 mile an hour faster than the person in the left lane. But hey, he's passing right? Evidently there is a law in Missouri that says they are impeding the flow of traffic, but that will get enforced about as much as a citation to a woman willing to show a cop her .44(D or DD) specials. Don't think I'll get much play showing my pea shooter.

I have also noticed turn signals not being utilized nearly as much as they should. It's like they're afraid the bulb will burn out or something. Need to make a turn but not sure? Don't worry about, it's obviously socially acceptable to just make that turn WITHOUT signaling the intent to do so. That way, if you weren't supposed to turn there, y'all won't look like such a moron. The same rule applies when takin' yourself an exit, folk. Need to switch lanes? Ah shucks, just look in your rear view mirror, surely everyone will see you do it and that tells us all what you want to do, so glide on over. To make sure, just look over your left shoulder, THAT is a CLEAR indicator of your intent and should be enough. But then again, maybe they just don't signal because they don't want to look like that inattentive dumbass that has had his blinker on for the last 5 miles and shows no sign of turning it off.

I've also seen the "parking/running lights on while driving" bit. Damn, I wish I looked that cool to get away with that kind of stupid ass driving. By the way, it's illegal...rumor has it. That's why they're called "parking" lights, douchebag. Same goes for the fog lamps. I already see enough dense fog around people, don't need this shit compounded. I get it, you got tinted windows and rims that probably cost more than the car itself, you're special. There, ya happy?

There you have it, 3 completely useless things on a car and mainly because they're not used properly or used at all. I'm sure there are other thing that could make their way into this post, but these are the ones that gripe my ass the most.

I am the Complaint Department Manager and I approve this driver's saftey lesson.

9 comments:

Emily said...

Oh, I literally thought you meant the things you put ON cars. Like bumper stickers and stuff. My mom secretly put a fish sticker on the back of my dad's car, seeing how long it takes him to notice it. He still hasn't.

You'll be glad to know I utilize my turn signal quite often.

PAULA LARSON said...

So, if a couple gets divorced in the state of Missouri (or is it Misery), are they still considered brother and sister?? LOL...

I hate vehicles, even though I drive one. I would prefer mass transit.. all the way. Not a very good system here in Mpls/St. Paul unfortunately! :(

Red said...

urmmmm. ummmmm. Sounds like someone had to do something other then drive around the block.

Have you ever been to Georgia and witnessed the driving treat we have here? Like the guy that swerves around the rumble strips that notify you of a stop sign. Swerves into on comming trafic regardless if there is traffic comming or not so he don't get premature wear and tear on his tires. Then stops at the said stop sign in the wrong lain and halfway into the intersection. Yep. WINNERS.

TY for blogging about my fav pet peeve. I just loathe dumb drivers.

dr sardonicus said...

Road rage much?

I have a suggestion for your cruise control - try setting it lower than 90...

Michelle said...

I got one for you. On Friday I was behind a car switching lanes quite frequently. But they were using the wrong turn signal. If they were going into the left lane they would use the right turn signal and vice versa. At first I thought where in the hell do they think they are going. Into a bush! Someone must have skipped that part of drivers ED.

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

Don't you know drivers are supposed to be psychic? You just have to "sense" that the other drivers are making lane changes and slow down accordingly.

Red said...

aight CDM, things can't be that good in Chicago that you go and abadon us! BLOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGOSHDAMNIT

Kim said...

A phone call from the top of the Sears Tower would have been nice. I mean, geeez, you called me from a rollercoaster last fall, I was expecting a call from the top of the Sears Tower! HMPH! Perhaps I shall call YOU!

Complaint Department Manager said...

Guys, I've had a hell of a weekend and will be posting again shortly. I've been running myself ragged and may need a vacation after this.

Red - This answer your inquisition?

Kim - I didn't call anybody while up there, I was in awe the whole time and was lost in the moment, sorry.