Thursday, March 26, 2009

The "Who Has the Best Hot Dog" Thing Is Lost On Me

This is so true. I must say that I am probably one of THE most finicky eaters on the planet. I hate veggies with a passion and thus a lot of experiences are lost on me. Take for instance the "Best Hot Dog" in Chicago. I sampled 3 different places with the closest to ordering the same style and toppings as possible. In the end, it really didn't make a difference to me. Here's even more detail, I started off a local hot dog vendor in Downtown Chicago by the Field Museum:

It's common knowledge that if you buy food from the street, try to find a vendor that keeps a consistent line and that was this one. When I got up to order, I just ordered a regular hot dog, just meat and the bun(I like it that way...sometimes) and here's what I got:

Mind you, I dig the poppy seed bun, it's different. Talk to some hot dog aficionados and you you might start a fight over which is better, plain or poppy seed. The damn thing cost $3.50, I'm on vacation so cost doesn't mean that much to me.The hot dog these people use up here on the streets and in some restaurants are from Vienna Beef. I guess the mob has a say in who gets what for suppliers. Anyway, gotta tell ya, it was pretty good but still, IT'S A FRIGGIN' HOT DOG! Chicago style calls for mustard, onions, sweet nuclear relish, tomato and a pickle spear that runs the length of the hot dog. Needless to say, I wasn't havin' any of that.

On to the next contestant. Later that evening, I took the Metra train back to Lombard where I was staying. Right by the station, there's a 7-11 and at this place I was a bit hungry so I opted for yet another hot dog. I rolled in passing by Jay and Silent Bob who have been standing outside this place for a few days now, and got this:

Now THIS is my idea of a hot dog. Angioplasty is an option, just thought I'd throw that out there. No doubt performed by Jay and Silent Bob as they will also be selling you your prescrips. All that aside, this thing was great and cost me half what the in-town special cost, plus I believe it was Oscar Meyer. Still, it was missing a little somethin' sumshin'.

Next day, rolled up on to the Navy Pier and found a place called America's Dog. They have a shit load of hot dogs named after cities that run the gambit as far as toppings go and I found mine, "The Green Bay Dog":

Nothing but the dog and cheese, BUT it had a poppy seed bun. NOW I am happy. It was perfect and ironically cost in between what the 7-11 constipation monster was and what the museum mugging cost me.

I am the Complaint Department Manager and I approve this cardiac arrest to go.

12 comments:

Michelle said...

Those hot dogs look good! There was only one place in Greensboro that made the best hot dogs. YUM YUMS! Their hot dog chili could have been another food group. The one thing I can not stand are red hot dogs. I wont touch those. I am not sure what kind of meat are in those things.

Caspar608 said...

this must be hot dog week.

my microec teacher said he came from India as a child and thought a hot dog was a dogs erect penis and he ate it anyway. wow.

then super dave went somewhere that had a sign posted saying there was milk in hotdogs.

then the head of our department asked one of the underlings if his newborn son had his weiner cut yet.

and now this.

I remember once, I opened up a bazooka joe bubblegum...one of the pink ones...remember those? they were 5 cents. anyway, the cartoon was a gag joke, about my man bazooka joe biting into a hot dog and finding a vein inside of it. I was about 8 at the time. had no idea what the hell they were talking about, but I was grossed out anyway and never ate another hot dog again.

come to think of it, that bazooka joe cartoon was a little s&m pornographic. wow.

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

I've always felt that if you overload a dog with too much topping, you overwhelm the flavor of the meat, so I'm not sure a Chicago style dog would go for me. I'm either a sauerkraut or a mustard girl. But it would take a really poor quality hot dog to make me not like it. When I was a kid, hot dogs were all I would eat.

I don't see a lot of cheese on hot dogs, but I remember in college, they would sometimes serve hot dogs with the cheese INSIDE. They were the nastiest things ever. Imagine hot dogs that are slimey inside. I shudder with the memory.

Kim said...

Hot dogs = pig ass. ;-) But yeah, I still eat them.

Complaint Department Manager said...

Chris Rock said he'd eat a pig's ass, as long as they cook it right. I'm with Chris.

It's Me said...

I've never been a fan of hot dogs. What is all the damn hype about them????

Darius T. Williams said...

LOL - too funny. Jimmy's on Grand and Pulaski has the best hot dogs. I haven't had a hot dog is ohhh, 15 years or so - but, I will eff a polish up in a heart beat - lol. Jimmy's is soooo the place to go.

JL said...

I always preferred corn dogs--the only reason to go to the fair!

dr sardonicus said...

Good grief, a hot dog's the shit they sweep up off the floor and stuff in a casing. It's all the goodies they load on a Chicago dog that make it a Chicago dog, not the dog itself. Just sayin'...

Complaint Department Manager said...

...and thus it is lost on me.

Clark said...

Chicago is probably my favorite city in the whole world but Chicago-style hot dogs are vastly overrated, with the pickle and tomato nonsense.
Also, by ordering a "Green Bay Dog" in the heart of Bears country, it's entirely likely you ate additional waste products even more disgusting than what you would normally find in a hot dog.

Emilio Orantes said...

I´ve had the Kim&Charles hot dog at Field museum and they are great! I love the Chicago hotdog, love the pickle, onion and tomato on it, also I request lots of mustard and it´s tasty! just read this thread today and made me hungry, not just for any food, but would love to have a Kim&Charles hotdog.