Sunday, November 9, 2008

How Do You Apologize From Being A Shitty Friend?

Just this weekend, I reconnected with a real friend of mine that I had back in high school. Shortly after graduation, me and him drifted apart and it was ALL my fault. I had another friend that became a more frequent influence and trust me when I say it wasn't a good thing. I believe I have made mention of this pseudo friend some time ago and how he wasn't necessarily the best influence on yours truly. Well anyway, getting back to the friend that matters, I wrote him an email of sorts some time ago apologizing for my lack of judgement and for being such a rotten friend. In true form, he didn't even see things that way and said there was no need to apologize(at that point I could have crawled under a rock for feeling even more guilty for letting go a friend like that). He is THE ONLY person that I keep in touch with that I went to high school with as I pretty much wrote off my former classmates. Anyway, we got to talking and had a few laughs and even caught up in the goings on in each other's lives. It was as if no time had ever really transpired in the sense of the tone and demeanor in how we were able to talk to one another. I even felt like I was a teenager again, it's a nice feeling and great to get back to basics and what makes up the person that is me.

I have made mention to some of the people who frequent this blog that I am a lousy friend as I tend to be a bit self-absorbed at times and it has a tendency to shape my attitude and conversations. A friend like the one I have doesn't even look at that at all, he just knows it's me and rolls with it. Wow, again how do you apologize for being a shitty friend? Especially to a person that still regards you as being a great and best friend? People like this don't come around all the time and I now encourage any of you that may have a situation like me and try to extend that hand of friendship.

The thing is this, this great friend of mine did absolutely nothing to warrant such a senseless act on my part, nothing at all. It was all me and I have to just deal. This time, things are and WILL be different. So here's to a real friend, the kind of friend that I think everyone should have. Hopefully, you guys are "that" friend and not the other sorry ass that is...well, me.

I am the Complaints Department Manager and I most certainly approve this long overdue message.


Anonymous said...

Guilt is a negative emotion ... let it go. It is a blessing you were able to reconnect with your friend, it is a blessing that he forgives your transgressions (even though your friend doesnt think you did anything wrong - which is beauty in and of itself), it is a blessing that your spirit is able to look at the old you and see a diffence between THE CDM and who you used to be. But, as Neil Diamond and Barbara WA WA once said..."used to be's don't count anymore, they just lay on the floor till you sweep them away..."
Sweep it away CDM. You have a great relationship NOW and thats all that matters : ).
Its refreshing to be able to let go, breathe in all the goodness and keep it movin...

dr sardonicus said...

This kind of hits home. There are a few people that in my grief I have withdrawn from, and I need to talk to them again, just to let them know I'm OK.

Looks like you did all you needed to do. Just don't let that connection slip away again.

Emiline said...

I'm glad you were able to reconnect with your old friend.

And I think everyone is self absorbed.

I didn't have many friends in high school, except my best friend, and we don't even talk anymore. It's weird. She went into the Navy, if that says anything.

Anonymous said...

You know, I told you yesterday and I've told you matter what you were like years ago, that's all changed and you're the kind of friend now that everyone wishes they had.

I'm glad you reconnected with your old friend. I know how hard it is hard to maintain friendships sometimes. It's great when it works out.

Darius T. Williams said...

You've already started to apologize. The fact that you realize you've not been the best friend is a start. Now you have to make the next step and be sure to communicate that. You're a great guy - you'll be able to make it happen!

I mentioned you on my food blog...I know how you love to be mentioned!

Complaint Department Manager said...

Caspar - Oh, I did. There's more to this that I have delved out and I hate typing long posts. You sentiment is most graciously appreciated. Just keepin' it real.

Doc - all the more reason I made this post. I figured that someone might be in the same boat as me, maybe not in the same exact way, but you get the point. You've been through a lot and that is totally understandable. Me on the other hand, I was just a jerk.

Emiline - I tend to think as you do on this, but I went a bit overboard. I hope you get a chance to get back in touch with your friend if it's what you want. We'll talk later.

Kim - Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm just one of those people that dwells on the things I missed out on and it tends to eat me alive.

Darius - I'm just glad that a start was made and it WILL carry on for real. You humble me with your gratuitous nods my friend, thanks.

JennyLu said...

CDM - upon reading this post, the comments, and your follow up comments, I have to say...

A jerk would never have realized they were at fault. Having said that...
I think you did the right thing by making the first step in re-establishing a friendship. A "jerk" would stop there but we know your gonna stay in touch with the friend, right? I have voided a lot of friendships via poor judgement or through the tear stained eyes of depression. It is hard to make and maintain friendships but well worth it in the end.

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

Hey don't feel bad. We all get self-absorbed at one time or another, and some of us (including me) tend to be more self absorbed than others.

I've learned that if you have really good friends, they accept the good with the bad and forgive us far more easily than we forgive ourselves.

California Girl said...

I think that youre remembering stuff that he hasn't a clue about. And, quite possibly, these things you remember didn't make that much of an impact and he didn't see them the same was at all.

You're a good person and you've renewed this sense of wanting to be a better person to him. Its all good. You've grown and learned and lived in the ensuing years. Keep on being the person you are and you'll be just fine. I have the utmost faith and confidence in you.

Jason said...

"It was all me and I have to just deal. This time, things are and WILL be different."

You're taking personal responsibility, you've apologized and you're working to change. That's really all you can ask of yourself.

clipper said...

The past is simply a place for memories to dwell, both good and bad. We cannot go back and change them. Today is for living, and tomorrow is for dreaming about.

Admitting ownership of the issue is the beginning of a whole new relationship. We learn from the past, but can't dwell there.

Since recovering from alcoholism in the 70's, I live by many principles taught in a twelve step program I attended after rehab. Many little dittys come to mind, such as "look back, but do not stare, which means remember the past only so it won't be repeated. Don't dwell on guilt.

The serenity prayer comes to my mind several times a day as I deal with things I must accept, and things I cannot change. Also when changing those things I can. The "wisdom" is in knowing the difference.

You are a man of integrity beyond reproach as far as I can see from reading your posts and opinions. Your friend simply is saying "welcome back to the real world." He loves ya bro. Just cherish the "renewed friendship" and make every day count.

Congrats on the renewed friendship, and BOTH of you are lucky to have such a friend!

Sincerely, Clipper

clipper said...

PS: I love the pics of the dogs. I think daschunds are great. My neighbor has one named Oscar who is EVERYBODY's friend.

I would be seriously afraid of the one that "has been known to kill" though. I can't think of a more painful death than being eaten from the ankle up, haha.

It's Me said...

what a sweet ending!!! :-)