Sunday, November 2, 2008

Prayer Chain Emails

Look, I hate these things because they are SO sappy and play on your feelings of guilt, which is about a half second thought in my head. You know which ones I'm talking about, they all want you to do the same thing, "forward this email to 10 other people you want to bless and your prayer and mine will come true." REALLY??? So, if I pass this on to 10 other people who will roll their eyes and curse me as they read it, MY prayer AND yours will come true??? So, you're telling me that Rachael Ray will finally end that sham of a marriage, drop her restraining order against me and actually WANT to mother my children? SHIT, COUNT ME IN!!!

I just love how these things have a convincing closing argument. "This really does work, it worked for me and it will for you too." This makes about as much sense to me as those people that win those HUGE poker tournaments and the first thing they say is, "I just want to thank God right now for helping me win this (gambling)tournament." Yeah, thank God for allow you to indulge your gambling habit with your children's tuition along with hundreds of others doing the exact same with disastrous results that you DON'T hear about while witnessing this wonderful Cinderella story. There's an even better closer that REALLY plays on the guilt, "If you don't forward this, my prayer won't come true either." WOW, this is like getting that phone call when you've missed somebody's birthday, kind of guilt. So, if I don't forward this email, that chick you think is banging your husband at work won't drop dead today? Damn, I'm tempted to save a life for preservation and for entertainment purposes right now.

I hope nobody out there encourages this kind of behavior. If you do and you forward this crap to me, I'll find a way to get you spammed with the best porno, Canadian pharmacy, amazing stock tips or Nigerian lottery letters of someone needing a foreign intermediary available.

I'm the Complaints Department Manager and I approve this message.

11 comments:

Caspar608 said...

I usually tell people who send me those "x will happen if and only if you send this to 25y" messages that I have filtered all of their future e-mails to a junk folder. If they want a miracle, it wont be coming from me.

I know someone who knows Rachel Ray...maybe I will tell her to read your blog ; )

Love is in the air...

Complaint Department Manager said...

*blushes*

Kim said...

I've given up. I have a cousin who just won't stop sending those to me, no matter how many times I ask her nicely to knock it off. After being so nice to her about it for son long, I sent her a not so nice email asking her to knock it off. She didn't stop. Now I just don't open ANY of her emails.

Kim said...

Ummm...caspar, people tell the person you know who knows Rachel Ray that Utica, NY is NOT in the western part of the state. It's almost right smack dab in the CENTER of the state, in the Mohawk Valley. Certainly not western. I've been annoyed with her ever since she said Utica was in Western NY. LOL!

dr sardonicus said...

I get those from my relatives all the time. Never forwarded any of them. Haven't been sent to hell yet...

Emiline said...

Haha, I hate those things.

Hey! What about Giada?

JennyLu said...

:/ I hate those emails. I don't feel sappy or anything about them I just plain get annoyed.

Caspar608 said...

Kim
She was probably hitting the cabernet sauvignon and xanax heavily the morning of that fateful interview in which she forgot where her giggly behind came from.
I prepared the supper she featured on her show today. It was DELICIOUS!!!
Whole Grain pasta with shallots and Parmesan Cheese. Broccoli Rob (sp) and spicy sausage. I think I am going to explode any minute.
Upstate NY is so beautiful right now.
Peace.
Cas

Jason said...

Jesus never conditioned his love or blessings upon someone based on a forwarded e-mail.

And the Bible does not say "Go into the world and make disciples of all nations by forwarding e-mails and telling those who receive them they do not love me if they refuse."

Sky Girl said...

CDM, I'm sending you a thousand angel hugs and kisses...LOL. I always delete those emails.

Mary said...

I can tell within the first 5 or 6 words if it's one of those. Then I hit "delete." I wonder why, when so many people hate them - myself included - so many other people send them!