Monday, January 28, 2008

10 things I Hate About Tittie Bars!

Just got off the phone with a good friend of mine and somehow the conversation took a strange turn and we ended up talking about strip clubs. This is my God's honest opinion, I hate tittie bars! So much so that I went on a rant about them on the phone and now I'll share on how that went like. Here are 10 things that I hate about them:

1. You want me to pay how much to get in?
2. Ever break up with a girl only to find her workin' the club scene?
3. If I want to pay a woman to be temporarily interested in me for cash, I’ll tease a telemarketer, at least I can hear her.
4. To easy to go into credit card debt, however the chicks don’t dig it when you try to run your card between their boobs or their butt crack.
5. They have the audacity to serve food in those places. I don’t want to eat a cheeseburger while a woman’s crotch (despite how hot she may be) is in my face and it looks like an old catchers mitt anyway!
6. How much for a frickin’ beer? Like the cover wasn’t high enough.
7. I have to hear over and over again, “I’m doing this to put myself through college.” Yeah, whatever sweetheart, nice firm brain ya got there.
8. How much for a lap dance? And I don’t get to keep her?
9. Moments like, “Dude, isn’t that your sister/mom?”(in Arkansas, it could be both)
10. And finally, another moment with so called friends like, “Is that an Adam’s apple? Yeah, but don’t tell him yet, he looks like he's having so much fun.”

I've been to only 1, I repeat only 1 in my entire life and I will never set foot in one again, no bullshit. And sorry, but no gratuitous photo for this one.


Anonymous said...

10 things I LOVE about tittie bars:
1. titties
2. titties
3. titties
4. titties
5. titties

Jason said...

I have to say I'm shocked you've only been inside one in your life.

The Angry Engraver said...

LOL Me too. 1 time many moons ago. Can't say I see a reason to ever go again either.

Nice blog BTW!

Whiner Girl said...

I hear ya on the food thing. How sanitary can it be to eat food where there are naked sweaty fold running around? Talk about a "fur burger" .... ick

complain away said...

We had a very unfortunate case here this month when a guy got killed by a random bullet while passing by one such establishment on the street. The poor guy--not just because he was dead, but also because the media all referred to him as 'the guy who was killed at the strip club,' when he never even went in.

Of course, he was a family guy and his girlfriend, parents, kids, etc. were all not only saddened by his horrible, random death, but also by what they saw as the besmirching of his reputation.

The moral: be careful of stray bullets when walking by your local strip club!

dr sardonicus said...

Funny as hell! I confess, I've been in more than one, back in the day (including the infamous Dollhouse that Motley Crue namechecks in "Girls Girls Girls"). Some of the places I was in, it's a wonder I'm still alive to tell about it...

Anonymous said...

One of my neighbors is a stripper. :-x

California Girl said...

I went into a club once with my boyfriend. The security guy came up to us and told us to stop being affectionate because it bothered the other people there. Um, we were holding hands and he kissed me once. The talent there was, to say the least, not inspiring. Where I live now there are several clubs within walking distance of where I work, not to mention there are many whore houses a block away from where I work. Eat at any of these places? Yeah, not gonna happen.

Complaint Department Manager said...

"I have to say I'm shocked you've only been inside one in your life"

I actually laughed at that right off then I said to my self, "Wait a minute......"

Angry Engraver, whiner girl, dr. sardonicus, kim and of course california girl, welcome to my humble abode glad to have ya guys here as I will be crashing at your places from time to time.

Anonymous said...

11. Don't expect me to pay to look and not touch!

Busplunge said...

How come Anon 11:27 said there were 10 things he loved but only listed five

oh, never mind.

Anonymous said...

That's all the farther he could get typing with one hand.

Blogger said...

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