Tuesday, July 8, 2008

New Rule: Tila Tequila and Bret Michaels Must Get Married

Why? Simple, those 2 losers deserve each other. But, before they recite nuptials, they must BOTH be spayed and neutered, we don't want more accidents like Brittney and k-fed running around now do we? Tila and Bret are such a travesty to humanity that I may just go ahead and dub them as another Axis of Evil. Reason being, they've had 2(count 'em 2) chances of screened and filtered product to find a special connection and FAILED! Not to mention the numerous chances OFF camera. Both of their shows also contribute to the dumbing down of society and the landslide decline of human dignity. By the way, just what is the deal with Tila? Why does a good chunk of the male populous think she's(or it's) hot? I think she(or it) looks like a Filipino trans testicle with a delusion factor of 10. Anyone still think she(or it) is hot? I'll show you what magic touch ups, make up and lighting can pull off. Here she(or it) is in FULL makeup mode:

"Quick, take the shot! I can't hold in my boys any longer!!!"

Now, check this out, the REAL Tila:

"Why didn't you tell me my Adam's Apple was showing? Now I 'll have to start using the Men's bathroom...AGAIN."

Moving on, has anyone seen Bret without his token cowboy hat or bandanna? Just how far back does that forehead go? I would put a photo of Bret complete with caption, but his ego is just too large to fit in here, sorry. Just kidding, I did however find some very good photos that sums it all up:

This one pretty much says it all:

Don't forget the "Buy one get 2 free" on the fireworks as well.

This week on Rock of Love 52, Bret shows how you can pick his guitar, but not his brain.

A good chunk of 80's heavy metal artists had their careers go up in smoke, but most of them left with dignity intact by just fading away. Bret, do you really think you still have more to offer this world than cheesy music? Even with all the available opportunities they both had, they'll never rise higher than that of a game show host, only game show hosts are liked more. Add to that the fact that being on TV hasn't polished their careers' much at all.

In summary, any person that competed or was a part any reality dating show just proves to the whole world exactly what kind of failure they are in life and love, they just feel compelled to prove it on TV. Put it to you this way, you can take a turd, dip it in gold then encrust it with diamonds and emeralds and polish it up nice. Bottom line...IT'S STILL A TURD!!!


tysgirl said...

Here's a thought, turn the tv off.

Just a thought.

Complaint Department Manager said...

Full disclosure: I have NEVER seen any of their shows. They just happen to pollute the news websites I get my info from and I'm sick of the fact that the goings on of these 2 pass for news.

Matter of fact, by my calculations, I watch maybe 4 hours of TV a day. The rest of my entertainment comes by via XM radio.

Darius T. Williams said...

So...why do i not know who tila even is?

Complaint Department Manager said...

Darius, trust me, ya ain't missin' a thing.

complain away said...

HEY! I seem to recall that not too long ago you gave me a talkin' to for not giving the guy who had been a contestant on ElimiDATE a chance. What up, CDM?

Complaint Department Manager said...

"Reason being, they've had 2(count 'em 2) chances of screened and filtered product to find a special connection and FAILED! Not to mention the numerous chances OFF camera. "

Remember that part, that part alone answers your question. A person can make a bad judgement call when seeking their 15 minutes. Since you opened that door, I'm walkin' through and asking this: So, how'd that guy turn out?

complain away said...

Never went out with him again. Any guy who says this to me:

"It was my life's dream to be on TV and ElimiDATE made it all come true."

just invites me to mock him, hard and without reprieve.

And now that we're on it, do you think it's possible to date someone once you've mocked him to all of your friends, family and to his face?

Complaint Department Manager said...

First reaction to your post: I laughed...out loud...and hard.

Nicely done, I must say I'd do the same.

California Girl said...

They are both creepy. I do have to admit, grudgingly so, that I watched the last few shows of Rock of Love II. Seriously can't understand why he thinks he's gonna find someone by having them strip for him or fight over him And Tila - well, she's just eeuuuww! These two are the living definition that ANYONE can get 15 minutes of fame and milk it for all its worth. An old has been and a young wanna-be. Yuck.

Your post, however, did make me laugh!

tysgirl said...

4 hours a day?!?!?!

Dude, your brain is going to turn to mush!

Complaint Department Manager said...

Cali Girl, glad I was able to.

Tysgirl, that was more of an average. I do the most on the weekend and Saturday is the most by far. During the week I watch the Today Show in the morning and a few other programs here and there later on in the evening.

Busplunge said...

4 hours a day? NASCAR?

Rhea said...

I watched the first season of Rock of Love and couldn't believe I actually watched it.

I agree, turd.

I need to see under that man's hat/bandanas. He has to be bald. has to be.

Anonymous said...

I bought 2 of Paulas frying pans and they were terrible! The bottoms kept burning and pealing off and smoking up the kitchen. Will never buy any of her products again.....