Red Bull Tastes Nasty!

Long story short, this stuff tastes like crap! Now to reverse engineer the short story. The only way to describe how this crap tastes is to say that if I were to open a can of Ginger Ale only to have Richard Simmons come up behind it and piss in it, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I don't even know why I took a second drink of this stuff, possible self loathing on my part? This stuff puts the "tar" in "taurine". I know this has been out for a while, but I couldn't justify paying that much for a drink, unless of course I was in a tittie bar. I was given a can to try and to be honest, I was really looking forward to it. I couldn't be more disappointed if I ate a whole plate of Rocky Mountain Oysters only to be told later what they actually were. I'm sticking with Rooster Booster Lite(found at QT). Stupid name, but a better drink and half the price. I start my day with it every single morning, I've been doing it for almost 2 years now. Nuclear Energy(found at Kum&Go) is very similar in taste and price. I get this if I can't scrounge up the booster.

For those of you who are fans of the bull, all power to ya. For me the stuff is just nasty, end of story.

10 Things I Hate About...Me.

Keeping the trend going, I thought it only fair to take a pot shot at myself.


1. As a child I had a copy of the first Star Wars comic book and I made a totally senseless trade with it.
2. I am susceptible to overeating. Example: A little over 15 years ago I scarfed down 24 pieces of pizza in 30 minutes, I have witnesses.
3. I sat through a Billy Ray Cyrus concert in its entirety. That cover of Led Zeppelin's "Rock n' Roll" really wasn't called for.
4. I quit college in '89 and didn't go back for 15 years.
5. I'm a shitty friend. I have great friends in Arkansas and Tennessee and I rarely call them. I was the Best Man for one of them (sorry Chris), man I suck.
6. I never seriously tried to pursue a music career, even just to get it out of my system.
7. I never should have started drinking. I had Dean Martin Syndrome, my favorite drink of all time was...the next one. Too many times I'd wake up with my liver and kidney calling me an asshole.
8. I get distracted way too easily
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have A.D.D.
I like cheese.
9. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah.
10. And finally, I never should have moved to Arizona. That's all I want to say about that.


These have been a few complex thoughts from my simple mind.

10 things I Hate About Tittie Bars!

Just got off the phone with a good friend of mine and somehow the conversation took a strange turn and we ended up talking about strip clubs. This is my God's honest opinion, I hate tittie bars! So much so that I went on a rant about them on the phone and now I'll share on how that went like. Here are 10 things that I hate about them:

1. You want me to pay how much to get in?
2. Ever break up with a girl only to find her workin' the club scene?
3. If I want to pay a woman to be temporarily interested in me for cash, I’ll tease a telemarketer, at least I can hear her.
4. To easy to go into credit card debt, however the chicks don’t dig it when you try to run your card between their boobs or their butt crack.
5. They have the audacity to serve food in those places. I don’t want to eat a cheeseburger while a woman’s crotch (despite how hot she may be) is in my face and it looks like an old catchers mitt anyway!
6. How much for a frickin’ beer? Like the cover wasn’t high enough.
7. I have to hear over and over again, “I’m doing this to put myself through college.” Yeah, whatever sweetheart, nice firm brain ya got there.
8. How much for a lap dance? And I don’t get to keep her?
9. Moments like, “Dude, isn’t that your sister/mom?”(in Arkansas, it could be both)
10. And finally, another moment with so called friends like, “Is that an Adam’s apple? Yeah, but don’t tell him yet, he looks like he's having so much fun.”

I've been to only 1, I repeat only 1 in my entire life and I will never set foot in one again, no bullshit. And sorry, but no gratuitous photo for this one.

Pats Fans Are Smarter Than Giants Fans?

Okay, it's bad enough that the Super Bowl was ruined by the Packers not beating the Giants on their home turf, but this "study" bothers me. A smart ass from the Boston Herald named Jessica Heslam claims that Pats fans are indeed smarter, classier and healthier than Giants fans(read the articles to get the gritty details). You know I don't like the Giants or Pats and couldn't give 2 craps about their fans (especially when Jets fans are better cannon fodder), but was this really necessary? The Giants made it to the Super Bowl fair and square, are you that intimidated by them? "Stats don't lie", she claims. Yeah, but they sure as hell can be manipulated and you coming from the Boston area yourself wouldn't have a key role in this would it, you dizzy little bitch? Besides, half of all statistics are 50/50 at best anyway. It's one thing to be an actual fan on the street talkin' trash, but a reporter going to these lengths to insult the fans? Bitch, save it for the parking lot where this kinda stuff belongs. It's one thing to take a casual swipe, but this goes into the bone marrow. On top of all that, I hope you don't need anything in New York anytime soon, as I'm sure you'll find out how Giants fans are also less civilized and less forgiving than Pats fans if you ever meet one on the streets. Not smart, especially when your photo is up there for all to see.

I like trash talk better than anyone, but this for some reason really rubbed me the wrong way. This is brow beating, plain and simple. It was a serious article, not a piece by someone who's know for this kind of behavior. If this had been a response to a New York article, then it would get a pass. I have no dog in this fight, but it still irks me, I never saw Giants fans as really obnoxious to the point that it warranted a study like this. Now if we're talkin' Jet's fans... Any body else?

New Segment Announcement: Complaint Box

I'm thinking of doing this either once a week or once a month, I'd like feedback. So, this is the time to get it all out and feel better. Bitch, piss and moan about whatever pisses you off the most. No rules, but I would kindly ask you too leave my metal music out of it. Try it you may feel better.

Oh, and if you want to tell me "I" suck, I simply must ask that you give me some details on how managed to accomplish that.

EDIT: I think I'm going to retitle this next time as, "That Ain't Right!"

Ozark Water Gets Higher

I'm not talking flood, either. I'm sure anyone who lives in Ozark realizes by now that the rates have gone up. When I opened my bill I damn near lost my water. I read a little further and found that they at least explained that there was a rate increase. I just wish they would have said why. So, I called them asked them just that...why?!?!? The woman on the other end immediately mentioned that there hasn't been an increase in 7 years, (so what, if ain't broke...) then tells me there is a new facility that is being built and it needs funding. I then got a breakdown of the old rates vs. the new ones and got this info:

1st 1000 gallons Charge / every 1000 after that

old $5.13 (6.60 sewer) 1.38 (3.17 sewer)

new 7.98 (9.26 sewer) 2.36 (5.49 sewer)


My big problem here is that there is still enough lime/calcium in this water than is necessary and no plans on improvements. Anybody ever boil this stuff long enough? If you have, your pot looks like you might have been used by Kate Moss or Keith Richards if you know what I mean.

I might have felt a little better had the city bought me a drink, kissed me on the neck or even did a reach around for that matter. From now on when ever they release a statement with an increase, they should also include this at the bottom:

For those who wish to pay their bill in person: Vaseline will be available upon request.

Beauty Pageant Beauties

Ya know, I can't help but throw up in my mouth a little when I see (yet again) another beauty pageant contestant being victimized by jealous rivals. There has been pepper spray used, blackmail, torn dresses, etc... Is this a pageant or a date with O.J. Simpson? I really have a hard time feeling sorry for people (in general) who are beautiful to begin with. They get on TV and start sobbing so everyone can feel their pain and feel sorry for them (thus my acid reflux). I have known quite a few pageant beauties in my day and was very close to a few, but never have I ever felt sorry for them at any time for what ever reason. Why? Because it is no time at all that things turn around for them and doors open wide and why? Because they're beautiful, this will be something they will be able to use until time itself takes it away from them.

If you happen to be a beautiful person and disagree with what I say, fine. Don't be mad and tell me that it doesn't happen to you, you're full of crap. Again, I have known quite a few pageant contestants and I have witnessed the magic before my very eyes, so if it isn't happening for you then you must be a liar or a real bitch to deal with.

Signed,
Management (a real so-so looking guy)

P.S. No gratuitous photos for this post, like they need more attention.

Holy Crap, I Got Nominated????

I was getting caught up on some of the local blogs when I came across my nomination for "Best Comical Blog". I'm stunned and also grateful to those responsible for nominating me. What started as a catharsis blog for me turned into a source of comedy for others. Wait...does that mean my endless pissing and moaning are a source of entertainment? Still, it is nice to know I'm not just back of the bus material. Thanks goes to any and all who read and post on this blog. You are a great bunch of people and even if I don't win, it's my privilege to keep the trend going.

Update: Busted Furnace

Actually, the furnace wasn't busted, just the fan. Still it cost me $140 just to get it fixed. After starting off with the house being at 51 degrees, I did manage to get it back up to 67 in about a few hours. A room heater at one end and the oven on at 350 at the other worked out nicely.

By the way, the photo shown here is how my dogs show how they manage the cold. Under these 4 sheets lies 2 dogs, can you see them?

I Thought I liked Cold Weather.

Apparently, I'm going through a little of Jason's pain right now. My furnace just crapped out on me and on the most frigid day we've had in a while. Jason, I feel your pain, the only solace I can take in this is that my furnace is under warranty. At least that will warm my heart as my butt is getting froze off.

I will say this, I would rather have it go out now than in the summer. You can always find ways of getting warm, right Jason? But try to find ways of staying cool in the summer...Jason, you don't have to say what you would do in this situation, we know you're a trooper.

Just so everyone knows, I have my oven on plus a portable heater going with all the door to the other rooms shut so I can seal in the heat as best as possible. Temp gauge in the house says 51 right now. We'll see how far I can push that back.

Better Late Than Never...Sub Prime, Not Me.

I know I haven't posted in a while and Have neglected my catharsis, which explains why my blood pressure is up. I have all kinds of excuses but no answers. Now having said that:

I am getting so sick of hearing about the sub prime issue that I may hurl any moment and start a new binge and purge craze, the sub prime Bulimia plan. Especially when they start talking about how they are going to bail some of these people out because it will lead to a huge economic downfall for the country. So let me get this straight, I buy a house with a good rate and because of a bad career move, take a job that gets me in over my head on payments and I lose my house...too bad. BUT, if I buy a house and make an even more stupid move by getting a sub prime mortgage, I'll get help?!?!? Why does this country always seem to bail out the stupid? I heard this morning (which touched off my rant) from a "candidate" that we need to do something about this before it becomes a national crisis. I'm sorry, but I just don't buy it, not even with someone else's money. I am a returning student with 2 jobs, so why don't I get rewarded for doing everything I can to not get in over my head? This is of course rhetorical, but only a little.

Before I forget, the link above is to an article describing a bill that will ask for new regulations on sub prime lenders, not sanctions but regulations. I guess it's better late than never telling you about that as well.

How Much For Your Soul?

I couldn't believe this when I saw it , but there it is. Evidently, 1.2 million extra a year is worth leaving one of the most beautiful places in the world and to where? Dallas, Texas? I've been to Dallas, it's nice, but not nice enough to trade going to Hawaii. I'm sorry, but I don't see the upside on this trade off. Paradise vs High School football USA...not even close. I could think of better places for even slightly less money than SMU was willing to provide that I would go to besides staying in Hawaii. June should be kicked in the ding ding for this, really.