Wednesday, April 30, 2008

3 Year Old Wins Mullet Contest

Do I really have to say anything here? The worst part about this is his older brother won the contest in shit.

I wonder what the prize was, a 1986 IROC Z28...with louvers, perhaps?

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Ultimate Conversation Killer

Why is it that when someone runs out of something to say that they drop this little nugget, "Well, what would Jesus say/do?" and by the way, thanks for staying on topic. Are you saying that you are soooooo pious that YOU actually know the answer to that hypothesis(notice I said hypothesis and not theory)? For that matter, What would Mohammad say? What would Thomas Jefferson say? What would Charles Darwin say? Who knows, THEY'RE DEAD! It' bad enough that the whole WWJD thing has become a commercial tag line. You can find it on bumper stickers, t-shirts even billboards. It's kind of a shame. But why must it come up at all? I don't need reminders of what the "ideal path" is and if I did need it, I'm beyond all hope. I'm just so sick of this being the ultimate conversation killer when all they are really trying to say(at least in my opinion)is that they want to take their ball and go home.

End rant, let the stoning commence.

Friday, April 25, 2008

More About the 'Not So'Smartcar...I Smell A Top 10.

I got off on a little bit of a rant about this rather impressive golf cart a post or 2 back and thought I was going to forget about it...until I just got through talking to someone who thought about looking at one. Just thought I'd point out a few things:

1. Let me get this straight, your car's engine has 1 liter and my Mountain Dew has 2...Not to mention that this thing goes 0-60 in 4 tries.
2. You mean to tell me that a 3 door Yaris gets around 3 MPG better in mixed driving conditions?
3. Not to mention, the Yaris is a few hundred bucks...LESS!
4. If I get one of the Smartcars, it will be sure to draw a crowd...of caddies.
5. Don't care if Daimler/Chrysler is behind this thing, that's actually a reason not to get it.
6. I'd be scared of not being blown off the road by a speedier Yaris or Versa, but by the wind itself. Missouri has a LOT of strong winds(and not just from the weather conditions either).
7. If I hit a pot hole, something tells me I'll need to call my insurance company.
8. How much down shifting will be involved in getting over a speed bump...or wad of chewing gum?
9. I really don't give a crap about what people think about me, but being laughed at by 6 year olds while they try racing me to the corner and I can't shake them, would be more than I could bear.
10. I personally want to see a Car and Driver comparison between this and a Barbie Power Wheels. Yes, Tokyo Drift in a Barbie car, a must see. VROOM VROOM BITCH!!!

Snipes Gets 3 Years? Is It Really Fair?

Okay first, I am NO Wesley Snipes fan by any means, but what the hell man? So let me get this straight, Snipes get 3 years for tax evasion and Paris Hilton gets what? I know it's apples and oranges when it comes to what they were both tried for, but what's worse? I don't see Snipes being an evader as being worse than some highly celebrated coke whore that didn't even finish high school driving under the influence. On top of that, why now do we start with Snipes being the one to start making examples with? They were really proud of making that known, so does this mean that EVERY celebrity from now on will get the Maximum? Or is it that we only do this for tax cheats? Am I the only one that sees the screwed logic in this? If anything the punishment should fit the crime in this case by hitting him with huge fines. The co-defendants got it worse by getting over 4years and 10 for the other, who were really to blame for this whole thing. Was Snipes ignorant? Yes, but does it warrant jail time? So many questions rattling in my head over this one...and, I HATE CELEBRITY GOSSIP!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

More Fun With Parking Lot Douchebags

This was just too convenient for me to miss out on. This idiot parked right next to me and gave me a nice view of the huge gap between hers and the guy parked behind her. I don't think the photo gives just exactly how much room there was, but you could fit one of those 'not so' Smartcars in the gap. Speaking of 'not so' Smartcars, I saw 2 today around Springfield. Man those things are ugly, I was so put off by them, I felt compelled to throw some gum out in front of it to see the driver try to down shift their piece of shit out of it. A word to the unwise, you should have looked at a 3 door Yaris instead. Give your car to the idiot in the photo so she can park it by the bike racks.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Friday Night Videos...Blind in Texas and Piss on Texas

Blind in Texas + Piss on Texas = A day in the life of yours truly. The top photo is exactly what it looks like as on this road trip, we didn't make it to the Alamo, so I did the next best thing. I believe the statute of limitations has run out on this. One thing my friends learned on that road trip, don't dare me to do anything. Back in the day, when my and my liver weren't on speaking terms, I did a LOT of crazy shit and this is actually pretty mild. At this particular moment, I was at war with a 12 pack and took a beer grenade to the head, but I did kill that 12 pack...just to watch it die.

Just so everyone knows, I've out grown this type of behavior...sort of.

Monday, April 21, 2008


What the fuck is that??? I just got "tagged" by Cali Girl(and she didn't even have the decency to buy me a drink first or give a reach around)...and who the hell told you I knew how to read? I don't think you people want to read passages from the Anarchist cookbook and how to make bleach bombs, so now I actually have to get up and find a different one. So let me get this straight, page 123...find 5th sentence...then post the next thrice sentence, ay? Two posts in one day, you trying to make me work or something...and for free??? This is why don't think much on this blog as I like getting paid to use my brain. Anyway, enough whining and bitching:

The following is from "Combat Strategy" by Hanho

Junsado categorizes combination attacks into four groups:

Group A: 1. Strike + Strike
2. Stike + Kick
3. Stike + Immobilization
4. Strike + Takedown

I think that ought to be sufficient. I tried the Yellow pages and it didn't make any damn sense. And now I'm supposed to find 5 more victims? Okay, that being the case, I throw the punk card at these 5 people:

1. Whiner Girl from Something To Whine About. Whine all ya want, your ass is still tagged.
2. Dr. Sardonicus from Pole Hill Sanitarium One thing Doc, no Rush Limbaugh books please.
3. JL from Pretension Deficit for just damn meanness.
4. Strannix from Welcome To the Revolution Get your bitch ass back to the blog!
5. Bright Yellow Gun your ass is known about and I don't wanna hear how ya just got tagged earlier.

I would love to have tagged Sniderman's punk ass but...oh, and after which, I would trade your ass for cigarettes.

A Word About...A Word

Lately, I have been hearing this same word being thrown around again and again on TV, an now I'm hearing it in class. The word is "Elitist". I have heard this so much, that I'm sick of it. Funny thing is, I hear this word a lot from the mouths of people who make more than $100,000 a year. To me, if you make that kind of cheese, you are in the "elite" category(actual salary fluctuates based on cost of living index per location). I'll make this brief, this is like the pot calling the kettle purple. Any of you that get taken in by this bullshit "elitist" hype going around and make the aforementioned salary, keep it shut. Any body who knows what it's like to work your ass off for a living and doesn't pull in a decent wage ACTUALLY knows "elitist" when that shit is spewed. So regardless of your affiliation, leave that kind of labeling to those of us who qualify.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Wanna-Be Bikers...How Drole.

The weather around S.W. Mo has been absolutely wonderful lately, but there's just one thing. Wanna-be bikers that are riding around on $20,000 bikes with a $2 brain. It's bad enough that they ride too slow or just don't seem to watch what the hell they're doing like when they're driving their gas guzzling S.U.V. Come to think of it, do these people actually think they are bikers in any sense of the word? If all you are doing is taking the bike out for a ride, but only if the weather is just right, then you are NO BIKER! If anything, you are self medicating, delusional and beyond the mark of self indulgence that an otherwise responsible person would be. I actually have known people that rode 365 regardless of the weather. Now those are bikers. You people probably know others that are like this. They are the same people that think it's hella-cool when they dress to match their vehicles or bikes for that matter. They just that damn cool, they're edgy and dangerous cause they happen to own a bike...what-the-fuck-EVER! Maybe if you silly bastards rode that bike more often during all types of weather conditions you'd know how to ride that damn thing better and not be so concerned with how cool you are when you give that low hand signal you give to other riders. Look, if you want to be cool and show everyone what a bad ass you THINK you are, join the military or re-enlist. Here's another one, become a volunteer fire fighter or just volunteer SOMEWHERE, they're plenty of places you can get all the attention and exposure you're looking for and you won't even have to wear the helmet.

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Return Of Friday Night Videos!

Summer isn't actually that far away, so I thought I might plant this for those who are looking forward to it and looking for a good laugh. As much as I love this kind of music, I can't help but laugh at these videos when I see them. As always, HEADBANGIN' RULES!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

TV Crapped Out

Recently, my TV decided that it was being too cooperative and finally did something about it. I had a 56" DLP and man it was great over the past 2-3 years. Here was the best part, I bought it at SAM'S(I go here a lot due to the Mr. Pibb factor). But that in itself isn't nearly as good as their return policy on display models. Yup, my TV was the last of its kind and SAM'S has an unlimited warranty on display TV's and of course, I called them on it. Nearly 3 years later an I got all of my $1500 back plus tax. So of course, I asked if they had another display with the same size parameters and I didn't care if it was DLP, LCD or plasma. Go figure, they didn't have one. So, I ended up with an LCD 47" for $200 less than what I paid for the original TV. Now I have an extra $200 to spend at SAM'S or Wally World and my head is about to explode (and no Kim, you will not get this to paint your damn house, you were asking for it and so were your cats).

Tip: Obviously, if you're looking for a TV and they have a display only, buy the som' bitch!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Why I Hate Gloria Allred And Why She Should Just Die!

I don't know what Rob Lowe did and I really don't care. I just hope the nanny loses because she hired this fucking cow. If any of you watched the today show interview with the nanny this morning...oops, I meant the interview with Gloria Allred as her client didn't even get a chance to put together a complete sentence, let alone a complete thought. She has represented a number of high profile clients, including the waste of human skin, Kevin Federline. The fact is, when her clients get interviewed, she simply must be there to make sure they don't say anything stupid or say anything at all. Everytime one of her clients gets asked a question, she immediately interupts her client and the person interviewing and starts spewing some over hyped bull shit that would make a buddhist want to commit assault on the bitch. I have seen a number of lawyers come on TV with their clients and they are usually respectful to the whole interview process, but not this shitastrophe of humanity. I have always thought my self to be a professional shit disturber of sorts, but her...Jedi Master Yoda she would be. When Gloria isn't too busy attacking surfers or searching for cheese in rundown buildings, she can be seen making a mockery of the whole interview process. Just for this alone, I think she should just go off some where and die, you can't tell me that she'll be missed.

Friday, April 11, 2008

That Ain't Right!

Friday...what are you pissed about...yada, yada. Talk amongst yourselves. I'm too busy with projects and illegally making copies of VHS movies, so shhhhhhhhh, don't tell anyone.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Absolut Stupidity

First off, yes, I'm alive and doing much better. Thanks to all of you who actually gave a 2 craps about me. Enough crap about me, I saw this story this morning and couldn't help but be ashamed of those who live in a world of denial about their history. Absolut ran this ad in Mexico and it just happened to outrage a lot of U.S. citizens(notice, I didn't say Americans...think about it). The map is the Mexican territory BEFORE the Spanish-American war circa 1948, by the way. To anyone who is offended by this ad, grow up and get a life. I'll even enclose a coupon so you can get one. If you don't like this map, you're really gonna think the civil war era sucks, especially if you live in the south(here's a hint, they loose).Even the Emancipation Proclamation(which still isn't too popular in many parts of say northern Arkansas) will be a bit of a downer. Look, if you don't like the ad, TURN THE PAGE! More than likely, those who really didn't like this ad are giving the Swedish company want they don't want them to have which is more attention. For what it's worth, I actually like the ad, it makes a statement and does something most ads don't, it makes you think.
Here's your coupon, by all means, spend it all in one place.