Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Resolutions Suck!!!

I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but I HATE NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!!! To me, they are a waste of time and so complacent. Instead, some time back, I made one final resolution to never again make resolutions. If anything, I try to make my own mini goals throughout the year. Hell, I made one before Christmas. Another thing I might suggest, don't say, "This is going to be MY year." Note: If you claim a year, chances are it will claim you. (Not if, but when it goes awry)You will waste endless amounts of time wondering what went wrong when the answer is simple, you claimed the year.

On a different note, I was searching through my phone and found some pictures I took and forgot about, these are less than 10 days old so, it ain't old news.

Sorry about the blurriness, but this is a Missouri State Trooper...Truck??? This guy actually had someone pulled over. Man, that's like getting busted by your dad. No speeding ticket, just grounded for a month.

This is a picture of a sign that has multiple postings all over Springfield. My question is this, are these things still necessary? I think this town(Yes, Springfield I still see as a town and not a full fledged city yet) is beyond this.

Okay, if I have to explain as to why I think this is funny, then you seriously lived a life that was sheltered. All I can say is, took 'em long enough to bottle the stuff.

Thursday, December 25, 2008


Don't forget that Christmas Stroy will be on at least 10 times today. I triple dog dare all of you to do something like this today.
Xmas story

Approved by Snider Claus

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


I really don't have a lot to do right now and I can't go walking. I started walking yesterday and halfway through it started pissing rain so all I got was 4 miles in yesterday, not good. So, the only thing I have to do is cook. I made something tasty yesterday, check this out:

I made this with eggs, ham sausage and cream cheese and topped with a 5 blend of cheese. Today, I'm working on a few things. I decided to make a dessert bread for tomorrow. This bread has Cinnamon, brown sugar and chocolate chips and DAMN, it's not just off the chain, it broke the damn thing! Here's how it turned out:

Here it is as a doughball

And here's how it turned out after baking

I will say this, I'm no Darius, but I do what I can. One of these days, I'll make a great wife to some lucky girl...(TYSGIRL, JENNYLU NOT...A FUCKING...WORD!) Okay, enough of this estrogen overload, time for some manly stick fighting:

Monday, December 22, 2008

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Indeed, this was the first thing that popped into my head as I read the headline of this story. Lisa Torti had good intentions of trying to rescue her possibly inebriated friend that left the same party at 1:30 A.M. and may have been inebriated herself. Evidently, Torti saw the accident happen and thought the car may explode and in thinking such, decided to try to pull her alleged friend from the car as to not watch her go up in smoke. In doing so, she treated her friend like a "rag doll" and pulled her from the wreckage carelessly. Alexandra Van Horn(rag doll and victim in question) became a paraplegic from Torti's actions. So, to prove that no good deed goes unpunished, Van Horn is now suing Torti for putting her in this condition despite her efforts and good intentions. A supreme Court ruling found in favor of Van Horn that Torti should have used "due care" when in a high stress and volatile situation.

So, what have we learned by this situation? Funny thing is, I see both sides on the issue. But, to anyone who is not a stranger to this story, they may think twice before coming to someone's rescue for fear they may be sued if they do not rescue the person "properly". Can you imagine someone asking someone at a terrible accident asking if they'll be sued if rescue them?


"Dude, that's a pretty fucked up position you're in, do you want me to rescue you? Yes? Well, I need you to repeat that to these witnesses that are just now coming over here...Hey, are any of you a notary?!?! I think I better get this in writing before I do anything or I may just leave your ass hanging, no pun intended and no offense."

Friday, December 19, 2008

Complaint Department Manager: GUILTY of Culinary Inefficiency and Embezzlement of 20 Pounds!

Ozark, Mo. - The Complaint Department Manager was found guilty today of multiple counts of Culinary Inefficiency and Embezzlement of 20 pounds over the course of 3 months, investigators say. When asked about the findings, the Complaint Department Manager had no comment as he was also found shredding grocery receipts. In response to this verdict the Complaints Department released this statement:

We here at the Complaints Department are shocked and disappointed in the actions of the Complaints Department Manager. We simply would like to say that such actions will not be tolerated as we pride ourselves on our reputation of accountability.
Just as much as we like to provide the occasional pat on the back, we must also give the slap on the wrist when necessary. In recent months, he has(unknown to everyone) been on a campaign of self indulgence that we believe started with a junket to Kansas City. When we approached him recently about this situation, he denied any wrong doing and insisted that there must be a mistake and insisted that any activity(or inactivity) he was involved with was in response to help stimulate the economy. This statement was mentioned again as we presented the evidence against him:
Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Other evidence was to be presented, but has since disappeared suspiciously. When he was asked why better alternatives were not procured, he stated that he was trying to meet the demands of cookies and ice cream at that time. It was at this time that an example needed to be made. The Complaint Department Manager is hereby ordered to resume the better options that were pursued this past summer EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! This means 8 mile walks for no less than 3 times a week with special provisions in regards to inclement weather, NO EXCEPTIONS. All consumption of culinary inefficient products are hereby seized until further notice. A regiment of 300 calorie meals issued 5 times daily with a "no tolerance" order from deviation of this plan. Also, if not already apparent, the Complaint Department Manager will be confined to the 1st, 2nd and 3rd person for the entire post. It was at this time the Complaint Department Manager asked for a 2 half-gallon and 2 pint bailout to finish out the year which was quickly struck down. Before hearing an appeal, he was ordered to a closed door weigh-in session, after which, he quickly withdrew his appeal. It is further ordered that if noticeable changes are not made before the end of the year, a food/exercise czar will be appointed and paid for by the Complaint Department Manager.

The Complaints Department would like to offer an apology at this time for any inconvenience this has or may cause to anyone at any time. As stated earlier, we here at the Complaints Department pride ourselves on accountability and look ahead to correct this situation as expeditiously as possible.*

We would like to thank you for your understanding during this unfortunate period.

*Terms and conditions: Offer void in Houston, Philadelphia, Detroit and Memphis as no one there has cause to point fingers. Some restrictions may apply and may be altered at any time. The Complaints Department reserves the right to cancel, suspend or resend this offer at any time for any reason and cannot be transferred to other non-deserving bloggers/anonymous posters. Limit one per blogger with current good standing at the Complaints Department.

I am the Complaint Department Manager and I...hear and obey.


I posted sometime ago about these people from Arkansas. She finally had #18. I may start a pool on where they'll draw the line. Right now, I say it will be 20. Any takers?

How does this woman's uterus stay in? With all the stretch marks, I'm sure there are parts of her body that will look like a topographical map of the Serengeti. China called, they said "Enough already!" I'm sure most of Utah will want to fit this brood with some magic underwear. By the way, is it the LDS church or the LSD church? Think about it. Normally, I have called Suburbans "Mormon Wagons", however, I now submit "The Duggar Speed Wagon":(compliments of Jim Lee)

This is the only way they'll be ever to get this bunch in one vehicle that doesn't involve an R.V. Here are the kids and they're "rank":
Joshua 20
Jana 18
John-David 18
Jill, 17
Jessa 16
Jinger 14
Joseph 13
Josiah 12
Joy-Anna 11
Jeremiah 9
Jedidiah 9
Jason 8
James 7
Justin 6
Jackson 4
Johannah 3
Jennifer 1
and now Jordyn-Grace


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Have A Heavy Metal Christmas!!!

It hasn't been that long, but that playlist was already getting a bit old for me. So, I decided to take doc's advice and do more head bangin'. All you need now is more cowbell.

I haven't heard any complaints yet on the music, nor have I received any requests, so I'm playin' this by ear...literally. Finals are, so that's finally out of the way. With the free time, I may put up more the blog. It just doesn't seem obnoxious enough yet. Suggestions? Comments?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Twas The Night Before Xmas by The Skoal Brothers

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the trailor.
My sister woke up, while I was trying to nail 'er.
The socks was all hung, on my big mounted bass,
In hopes that St. Leon would be hauling ass.
The young'uns bunked down, all snug on the floor,
Each one had a dip, so they slept near the door.
Sis in her 105 shirt, and her John Deere cap,
Looked purty as a naked silouhette on a truck mud flap.
When out in the dog pen, there arose such a clatter,
I got up from sis, to see what was the matter.
When what to my swollen red eyes should I see,
A pink Coup De Ville, 1973.
He staggered so much, I thought, "What was he on"?
And could I buy some of that, from old St. Leon?
All my dogs started barkin, he started to shout,
Dog's hate St. Leon, you figure it out.
"Hey Whitey, Hey Crackerboy", he called me by name,
So I called off my dogs, and on up he came.
When he stepped on my porch, there was such a vibration,
I thanked God I installed a concrete foundation.
He was dressed all in fur, and chains made of gold,
On his feet were Air Jorden's, I 'specked he stoled.
Yes, he had toys, there was no mistakin,
But I still wasn't sure if he was given, er taken.
It was then that he pulled a knife from his sack,
As I readied myself for a Leon attack.
St. Leon surprised me and gave me great glee,
When he gift wrapped the knife, and put it under the tree.
He continued by filling the socks up with skoal,
His good deeds made me feel, like a major bung hole.
Then layin' his finger on the gold stud on his nose,
He said, "Hey Opey Taylor, I gots to goes".
He jumped in his caddy, and turned on the ignition,
Drove down the dirt road, to continue his mission.
I heard him yell out, as I opened a beer,
"Hey you honky white trash, see you mo'fo's next year".

This is just one of those things you get to hear while living in Arkansas
R.I.P. Magic 105

Monday, December 15, 2008

New Addition To the Complaints Department..For the Holidays

Seeing as how it's Christmas, I have been extra jovial lately, especially since I took my Geology final and scored a 194/200. I thought since I was in the spirit of things, I thought I might pass it along. In fact, EVERYONE should know the song they first hear on this blog(no peaking) as it is MOST important to the holidays. If you have to ask, you're in some sad shape.

I took songs of different varieties and slapped them together. I thought this would be a nice compilation rather than force you into listening to my head bangin' tunes. The song list is what I have so far, I may indulge requests, especially if there's a grand consensus. I hope you enjoy the tunes and crank them up if you so choose.

Thanks to Caspar for having this little feature on her blog so I can shamelessly steal it.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

More Fun With Parking Lot Douchebags

Once again, I found YET ANOTHER parking lot douchebag. This one is in the rather busy parking lot of Springfield's Nakato Steak House. The parking lot isn't that big and it shares space with El Chico next door. Last Night was unusually busy, but then again, it is Christmas time. This is what you DO NOT do in ANY parking lot at Christmas time. People like me are always around and will find ways of making examples of you. This douchebag(for now) is lucky that all that happened to his bucket was a photo being taken. I've seen car keys employed in a most foul manner in order to proceed with well deserved street justice. In my day, I have done worse to get these dip shit's attention. At least this asshole didn't interfere with me getting a really nice dinner, the steak was great and so was the hibachi show, nice skills.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

That Ain't Right!

Normally I do this on a Friday, but I'm trying not to ignore the blog as I have been VERY busy with school wrapping up with the last tests and finals in the next few days. Couple that with me fulfilling some contracts and also trying to get time to work out at the Habitat for Humanity project at the North end of town.

So, in the spirit of gamesmanship and just plain "talk about wrong doing" talk, I encourage you all to mention what has pissed you off lately in hopes to leave it here on go on feeling better, perhaps. My big thing is just this whole semester being a bit of a disappointment for me, I just didn't bring it this time, but that will change next semester. I'm just glad that tomorrow is the last day and I DID manage to qualify for 2 classes of opting out of the final. Now that I spilled mine, it's your turn, but before that, amuse yourselves with this:

Thursday, December 4, 2008


I was in Joplin, Mo. today doing a job. After I was done, I started to leave town when I remembered what a guy who worked for Coke told me about how Pibb and Pibb Zero was sold in J-town. I didn't need no stinkin' shopping cart. I loaded up and headed to checkout, that's how I roll. I never had Pibb Zero before, so I was taking a bit of a chance on buying this stuff, it kinda reminded me of me buying the Stinger Missile II without test driving it first, just not as much money changed hands. Soon as I got home, I cracked one of these open and man, this shit is good! It was a good purchase indeed. I now have this to go with my Coke Zero, hot damn!

I am the Complaints Department Manager and I have Pibb Zero and YOU don't!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Image From the Vault

Dr. Sardonicus tagged me with a meme(of which I'm taking as payback for me tagging him). So, the thing is I had to pull the 4th photo from the "My Pictures" folder no matter what it was and state 4 things about it, if I understood correctly. Thing is I have separate photos in separate folders in that particular folder. So, I pulled the 4th photo from the 4th folder and came up with this oddly enough. I'm just glad the 5th didn't come up. So, here goes:

1. Yes, that's me puking, I was hungover in Orlando, FL. some 10 years ago. I was still drunk and it's 11:00 the next day.
2. This was the most intoxicated I had ever been in my life. The evening consisted of(in order): A hurricane from Pat O'Brien's, a shot of tequila from Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville, a tall shot of Captain Morgan from Nascar Cafe, 2 shots of Captain Morgan at Dan Marion's tavern, 2 shots of Captain Morgan at Bahama Breeze and polished off with a 64 oz of a frozen grape Everclear concoction from Lulu's bait Shack.
3. This is no lie, I have the glassware to prove it as well as witnesses and photos.
4. The photo was taken in the rear parking of a Burger King. A car was pulling into the space behind me as I let out a big heave. The car pulled back and left the parking lot.

Now that this out of the way, if you have read any of this by now, consider yourself tagged. My sadistic side is going for widespread affliction for this meme. It was either that or no tagging at all. I hope you all have enjoyed my suffering.

I am the Complaints Department Manager and I don't ever approve of this behavior...or message.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

You Can't Crank Country Music...PERIOD!!!

Okay, I'm doing my tour of S.W. Mo. and when I stopped in Aurora I stepped out of Walmart to have Merle and Jimmy Joe Jim Bob(complete with Realtree camo caps adding to the authenticity of their redneckness) drive past me with the windows rolled down and they were cranking some country music(what it was, I don't know, I don't listen to that redneck noise). I laughed...very loud as it was that funny at the time. I think everyone else was either equally as amused as me or they were laughing at my laughter...who knows?

Now, I can actually understand if someone has gone through the trouble and expense of a nice stereo system and they want to crank some tunes, been there, done that. For the record, Hip-hop, rock, heavy metal, those actually qualify as the variety that can be used for such an activity. Now, has anyone ever tried to crank a country music song? It's not a good look, you may as well crank children's music as you will look equally as cool(try it next time using the Barney theme song, Dora or anything like that, you'll piss yourself laughing so hard at the silliness). Bottom line, if you crank country music thinking you got some game nailed down, recognize that game recognizes game and you will look all shades of unfamiliar.

To anyone who wants to debate this, you are wrong, plain and simple, now deal.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Bad Roll Model

I made a post about this last year and now I'm doing it again because I still find it nauseating. Lambert's Cafe will be selling their "throwed rolls" for $4.99($5.38 with tax) a dozen. For once, the price is not different or if anything, has gone up. Year after year I witnessed the price of those damn things creep up. They realized they had a good thing going so in the spirit of free market capitalism, they capitalized on the laziness of those with the discretionary income who more than likely just wanted the pleasure of dropping that nugget of info to anyone who will listen to them. This year I give them YET another resounding "BOOOOOO" for perpetrating this shameless act of profiteering in the midst of a slowing economy. If there are any of you out there that know of someone who might be buying these damn things, do me a solid and talk them out of it. I think these jokers need to be taught a lesson, seriously! I want to piss on their roll pans this year for being ass hats.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Guns N' Roses, Metallica...Who Cares? But, I Will Take That Dr. Pepper

I had a chance to kill some time and try to unplug and get my mind off the crap that has recently taken over with the recent events. I'm about to sum up Guns N' Roses AND Metallica's newest projects in one fail swoop. Here's the verdict: "I now know what a midlife crisis sounds like". There you have it and quite frankly, that's all they are BOTH worth at this time. Both of these bands don't have all their original members, let alone their original drive to do their best FOR THE FANS. While Metallica is just missing Jason Newsted, they are also suffering lack luster writing and guitar work from the rest of the guys and DON'T EVEN get me started on that whiny bitch Lars Ulrich and his drum playing. Who taught Lars how to use a ride cymbal and told him it was a good idea to use this technique??? Whoever it was needs to be shot. Now, back to GNR or the what's left of them. The only thing original left in this band is Axl, I mean Rose(sort of). Here I thought Use Your Illusion I&II sucked...Perhaps "Chinese Democracy" should have been titled, "Use Your Delusion". I have three words left for GNR, "Next stop, Branson." Maybe you can make it there SOLELY on your namesake just like the other yester-year hacks. The only thing that was pleasant coming from this new release is the free Dr. Pepper that was offered up for releasing this crock of shit before the year was up. Seems like the folks at Dr. Pepper got screwed on this deal. The only thing that I could think of that would be an even worse investment would be buying the Detroit Lions. By the way, for those of you that heard of the bomb threat at Best Buy this morning, turns out it was just the release of Chinese Democracy...damage estimates are yet to be determined.

Chinese Democracy = Audio Metamucil

Death Magnetic = Sponataneous Explosive Diarrhea

Thursday, November 20, 2008

That Ain't Right!

I'll need you guys to talk amongst yourselves for a bit. I have had one of the worst 5 days I believe I've ever had or at least makes the top 5 of all time and I'm not feelin' it right now. So if you would, if there's something you want to get off your chest, do it here. Me, if i were to do it here, it would divulge more than I'm willing to spill right now and would take up a lot of space. Not sure what I'll be thankful for come next week. All I'm going to say right now is that I'm really pissed and I'm not dealing with it very well. But for now, this ain't about me, it's about some others that really need family right about now. I'm doing my best to deal, I just need a break. Thanks everyone.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Spaghetti Or Fettucine Alfredo?

I'm hungry and I can't decide. So, I asked myself, "Self, what would King Leonidas put on his pasta?" So I asked and got this response:
Red Sauce On Pasta
I did feel the boot in the end was a bit unnecessary, I just wasn't sure.

Don't forget, take a canned good to McD's and get a free McCafe drink hot or cold. No like coffee, then like the hot chocolate, it's part of the deal. Now, do I want regular or decaf?

EDIT: I decided that it might be a good idea to give you guys a heads up on Black Friday that's coming up. Due to the shitty economy, don't expect the Holy Grail of deals this year. Anyway, if you want to check out the ad scans of what's coming up, then click here

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Honestly, Do You Need <--THAT--> Much Room???

Seriously! Last night, driving in metro Springfield and I'm at a busy intersection and I see a car ahead of me and to the right, someone who is at the same stoplight and stopped nearly 3 car lengths(no shit) away from the person in front of them. Is that much open real estate necessary? I'm all for traffic safety and all, but DAMN, 3 car lengths??? Did Wonder Woman trade in the jet for a stretch limo or something? What did I miss? Did the person in front of them produce an anal by-product so heinous to the point that in got into their ventilation system? I've seen my fair share of spazz cases, but this is bullshit.

I have seen this a number of times, but for some reason, it really struck a cord with me this time around. Again this was at night and I couldn't see who was driving, so I couldn't automatically assume the obvious that it was so old fart in their late 80's and should have ditched the license thing YEARS ago. For all I know, this could have been some teenager or young/old adult that got a hold of some skunk bud(if you have to ask, you lived a deprived life...know that and recognize).

Anyway, you wouldn't find this much gap in Michael Strahan's smile:

So help me, if it wasn't for the car in front of me, I would have pulled right in front of them and maybe moved back and forth a few times just for good measure. I mean to tell you there was a lot of room there. About as much empty space as in Rush Limbaugh's head, yet not enough for his ego. Please people, if you know anyone who drives like this, make a difference and either smack them or confiscate their license.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

How Do You Apologize From Being A Shitty Friend?

Just this weekend, I reconnected with a real friend of mine that I had back in high school. Shortly after graduation, me and him drifted apart and it was ALL my fault. I had another friend that became a more frequent influence and trust me when I say it wasn't a good thing. I believe I have made mention of this pseudo friend some time ago and how he wasn't necessarily the best influence on yours truly. Well anyway, getting back to the friend that matters, I wrote him an email of sorts some time ago apologizing for my lack of judgement and for being such a rotten friend. In true form, he didn't even see things that way and said there was no need to apologize(at that point I could have crawled under a rock for feeling even more guilty for letting go a friend like that). He is THE ONLY person that I keep in touch with that I went to high school with as I pretty much wrote off my former classmates. Anyway, we got to talking and had a few laughs and even caught up in the goings on in each other's lives. It was as if no time had ever really transpired in the sense of the tone and demeanor in how we were able to talk to one another. I even felt like I was a teenager again, it's a nice feeling and great to get back to basics and what makes up the person that is me.

I have made mention to some of the people who frequent this blog that I am a lousy friend as I tend to be a bit self-absorbed at times and it has a tendency to shape my attitude and conversations. A friend like the one I have doesn't even look at that at all, he just knows it's me and rolls with it. Wow, again how do you apologize for being a shitty friend? Especially to a person that still regards you as being a great and best friend? People like this don't come around all the time and I now encourage any of you that may have a situation like me and try to extend that hand of friendship.

The thing is this, this great friend of mine did absolutely nothing to warrant such a senseless act on my part, nothing at all. It was all me and I have to just deal. This time, things are and WILL be different. So here's to a real friend, the kind of friend that I think everyone should have. Hopefully, you guys are "that" friend and not the other sorry ass that is...well, me.

I am the Complaints Department Manager and I most certainly approve this long overdue message.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

What To Do Now the Election Is Over?

Now that all the fire is slowly dying from Tuesday, time to move on to something more entertaining until the silly season that I have decided to jump the gun on. How about some Walmart Bingo? Any takers? Thanks to Jim for his contribution to card number 3. For increased difficulty, try going at around 3 AM as to find the real "Who's Who" of mental illness. Also, this would be a great way to kill time while your getting your oil changed, if you go to the one in Ozark, you may be able to achieve blackout before it's done...on all 3 cards.

Help the Ozarks Food Harvest And Get A Free McCafe Coffee At McD's!


You heard right from November 1-23 you can get a free McCafe coffee at McDonalds by just donating canned goods to help the Ozarks Food Bank, it's just that simple. Straight from Denise Gibson at the Ozarks Food Bank:
“For any consumer that comes through the drive-in or steps into a McDonalds and brings a non-perishable food item, a canned good or a couple of canned goods, they will give that customer a free McCafe coffee.”

Don't like coffee or McD's coffee? Settle, there's an option for hot chocolate. Hmmmm, hot chocolate ay? Can I get an order of Kerry Washington to go?

EDIT:I have been told that this is NATIONWIDE! This is what you call, "Win, Win". Spend a buck or less and get one of these(picture).

I'm the Complaints Department Manager and I approve this message.(including the pathetic plea at the end)

Monday, November 3, 2008

Thank God Baseball Season Is Over!

Who needs Ambien? Watching 5 minutes of excitement, extended out into 3 hours of play, simply amazing. Only thing for someone like me to do at an event like this is what you see here. I know I'm shitting on someone's parade, if you plan on responding, it better be funny.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Prayer Chain Emails

Look, I hate these things because they are SO sappy and play on your feelings of guilt, which is about a half second thought in my head. You know which ones I'm talking about, they all want you to do the same thing, "forward this email to 10 other people you want to bless and your prayer and mine will come true." REALLY??? So, if I pass this on to 10 other people who will roll their eyes and curse me as they read it, MY prayer AND yours will come true??? So, you're telling me that Rachael Ray will finally end that sham of a marriage, drop her restraining order against me and actually WANT to mother my children? SHIT, COUNT ME IN!!!

I just love how these things have a convincing closing argument. "This really does work, it worked for me and it will for you too." This makes about as much sense to me as those people that win those HUGE poker tournaments and the first thing they say is, "I just want to thank God right now for helping me win this (gambling)tournament." Yeah, thank God for allow you to indulge your gambling habit with your children's tuition along with hundreds of others doing the exact same with disastrous results that you DON'T hear about while witnessing this wonderful Cinderella story. There's an even better closer that REALLY plays on the guilt, "If you don't forward this, my prayer won't come true either." WOW, this is like getting that phone call when you've missed somebody's birthday, kind of guilt. So, if I don't forward this email, that chick you think is banging your husband at work won't drop dead today? Damn, I'm tempted to save a life for preservation and for entertainment purposes right now.

I hope nobody out there encourages this kind of behavior. If you do and you forward this crap to me, I'll find a way to get you spammed with the best porno, Canadian pharmacy, amazing stock tips or Nigerian lottery letters of someone needing a foreign intermediary available.

I'm the Complaints Department Manager and I approve this message.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Let This Image Fill Your Head Today

Happy Halloween, May you think of me and this image MANY times today. No "ifs", "ands" or..."butts".

Enjoy the Crack O'lantern!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Complaints Department - Road Edition Day: Fall Out - Part Deuce

Here's how the day started at Worlds of Fun in K.C. Saturday, nice ay? Well, the morning started great, I even had a decent breakfast that I brought along in the form of an Otis Spunkmeyer Chocolate Chocolate chip muffin(that's not a typo) check it out:

I even had a nice french vanilla cappuccino to boot, sugar high:CHECK. We opened the park at 11:00 and got to our first coaster, The Mamba. I could tell this was going to be a great day, how? Dig this, when we are just about to get on the ride, there's a view that may cause some people to be a bit alarmed. we saw next to the front car, cordless power tools...huh? See for yourself:

After they get everyone on board, the repair guy comes out from out of the shadows and begins to work on the front car. Me, I'm laughing my ass off at this point and asking the guy in this photo:

"Hey, are you union?" "This isn't your first day on the job is it?" A few people laughed, others actually looked concerned and actually requested that the man answer the questions. I managed to get a few photos off of the coaster WITHOUT LOSING MY CAMERA(Darius, that was just for you) Check these out:
Here's a view as we reach the top:

and here's a look at downtown K.C. as we hit said top of coaster:

After this ride, we sought out other coasters and none of those were in need of least that's from my view point. Perhaps this is a good time to mention that it's not a good idea to bring a camera with you to take pictures off of the roller coaster WHILE IT'S MOVING, right Darius? As a chronic bender of rules for the sake of your viewing pleasure, PLEASE, I am a professional, DO NOT do this on your own(obligation met). Anyway, while strolling through the park that day, I came across WATER RIDES STILL IN OPERATION. People, it's friggin' 40 degrees outside and they were running rides that you can get wet, DAMN! I'm crazy, but I ain't nuts. I didn't feel like catching pneumonia that day. Don't take my word for it, look:

I also managed to find what Jim over at Busplunge's future will be like:

I also found one for the longroofer(yes another hearse):

What could possibly top this day, what could I possibly do that could better than riding in a possibly malfunctioning coaster, dodging pneumonia or suffering the down swing of a sugar high? Well, how about this:

It's called Rip Cord and MAN IS THIS FREAKING AWESOME!!! I hadn't had a rush like this since my first stint in college with my test results coming back and hearing they were negative. At 180 feet tall and a swing of about 80 MPH, the only thing more I could ask for was for it to be higher and to swing me faster.

I did manage to get a decent restaurant visit in on this weekend sojourn, but in my weariness, I neglected to get a decent photo of the most awesomely affordable dessert at 54TH Street Bar & Grill. I WAS going to get ribs, but when the guy asked me what I wanted, it came out, "Chicken Strip Basket", DOH! I did manage to get my hands on that awesome dessert called "The Street’s House Chocolate Cake". Here's the best part, IT'S ONLY $1.99!!! This is the best 2 bucks you could EVER spend at a sit down dinner, period.

Sorry this took so long to get out, but a lot has been dumped on me lately and it couldn't be ignored. It seems as though I have blinked and a week has gone by, literally.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Complaints Department - Road Edition: Fall Out Part 1

First off, I'm still laughing my ass off on what happened just as we hit K.C., more on that later. The trip started off a bit behind schedule as we didn't get out of town until 4:30, but at least we missed rush hour traffic. The trip is a bit of a buzz kill as we are rollin' packing 3 chitlins in the back and their Nintendo DS's. It's all good because we're up front listening to various XM radio stations. We weren't pressed so we're slow ridin' up to K.C.

Just so you know, I believe how I have made my feelings known about people who drive slow and just hang in the left lane, not to mention that it is against the law. Well, I have backup from a Missouri state trooper that hauled ass passed us to snag some guy in an Acura, but in the way is some dipshit in a red Accord and even with the trooper on his ass, he still didn't get over. The trooper goes around him in the right lane and barrels down on that Acura. The trooper then IMMEDIATELY gets out of the car, walks right into the middle of the road and flags down that dumbass in the red Accord. HA!!! That was a treat for the ol' eyes there.

Around 7:00, we hit south K.C. The chitlins are now hungry and whining(didn't see that coming). The Day Tripper says to hit the first chain outfit we see. Now, this is the part that gets me to laughing my ass off. We pull into south K.C., if any of you know this area, then you know it's GHET-TO. I ain't sayin' nothin', it ain't bothering me. HOWEVER, in the infinite wisdom and foresight of the Day Tripper, she has chosen to wear her Jared Allen Jersey. Just one problem, it's the NEW Jared Allen jersey from...MINNESOTA! Yeah, she got some strange looks with those colors flyin'. The McD's we rolled into was smack dab in the middle of this hood and at this point, I'm just smiling. Everyone gets their food, I get my McRibs and the scarfing ensues. As we are eating, police cars are going by at a rate of 1 to every 5 minutes with the lights going and sirens blaring...ah, brings back memories. Day Tripper and husband with chitlins in tow are now wanting to leave for some reason. Just as we are chunking things in the garbage, some guy rolls in while still rolling a blunt, just licking it, putting the final touches on it. At this point we're leaving the place and I am about to come undone with laughter... I finally did as we leave the parking lot.

This to me is funny as hell. I'm already having fun and we didn't even hit the park yet, that'll be tomorrow.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

COMING SOON: Complaint Department Manager - Road Edition: Fall Out!

Yes, I get another break! This time, instead of hittin' down south, I'll be heading to K.C. There, I will be partaking of the sights of Worlds of Fun Halloween Haunt. I'll be hittin' the rides and hittin' some top notch junk food. I love theme parks, almost as much as Darius. This will be much like the last time I did this over the summer. I hope to have some good pics of the sights and the food.

Stay Tuned

Monday, October 20, 2008

Blogger's Meeting And Live Election Blogging!

Blogger's Meeting (and Live Election Blogging)
Patton Alley Pub
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
7 p.m.

Bring your laptops, yourself and bring your ASS! You've been notified, clear your schedule.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I Think I'm Going To Be Sick


Brad Sciullo of Uniontown, Pa. took out this monstrosity of a burger in just under 5 hours! It would take me just under 5 days. And here I thought I was hot shit for killing a half gallon tub of Blue Bell Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream...just to watch it die. I am currently in training(yes, training) to take on the Vermonster in Branson's new Ben & Jerry's location. I have been known for being able to inhale food in vast quantities, but after seeing this....DAMN! I can only equate this with that of a guy asking his girlfriend "THAT" question. I'm not sure if I'll "measure up" to doing something even remotely like this in my life, DAMN!!!

I feel so small right now.