Sunday, February 24, 2008

Unkown Person+Cell Phone+Waving To the Camera = DOUCHE BAG Squared!

Picture this, you are watching TV and someone interesting is getting interviewed and then some idiot shows up. You know of who I speak of, the attention whore who just has to get their pasty face on TV while talking on the cell phone so he can show how cool he is because he thought of that idea first. Wrong Fucktard! You and people like you need to be Fungo'd with an aluminum baseball bat! Every-single-damn-time I watch TV lately I see these dipshits AND THEY'RE MULTIPLYING! What is it about wanting to be on TV so appealing that you must make your debut as a friggin' Douche bag? I have seen my fair share of TV cameras from lots of different networks and I usually head the other way when I see them, I have no desire to be on TV let alone look like an idiot in doing so. Besides, if I ever do get on camera, what's in it for me? I don't need exposure, I need cash!

To Quote a Whiner Girl post:


I had thought of posting a picture of one of these 'tards, but then I thought to myself, "Self...why give them more attention in a visual way?" It's getting to the point to where I'm actually feeling sorry for reporters and news show hosts that have to deal with this riffraff. New Rule: All media personnel are to be equipped with big red and round fungo bats so that they can fire off at will and the viewing audience can get some REAL entertainment.

I say this to those who feel the need to get their moment of fame in the most lame manner possible: You are as wanted and necessary as dick cheese and should be treated as such. A lot of effort was put into the research in evolution, try not to reverse engineer the process.

Friday, February 22, 2008

That Ain't Right! WITH BONUS!

It's "Blow Me Friday", so time to get it all out. I'm just glad I ain't trippin' on pain meds anymore. So, in salute to my farewell to the rush, I give you the bonus of a 'real' rush. This video has 3 of the best musicians out there, bar none.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Mopeds/Scooters Still Aren't Cool!

What was that joke about how riding a moped is like riding a...well anyway, I've been seeing this scooter around campus for a while along with others sporting decals like you see in the photo. Stealth? I don't think so. There ain't nothing stealth about a scooter other than wishing you had stealth capabilty when seen riding one. I've seen othe decals on scooters like, "MVP" or "Future Champion". If I ever had a scooter and it had those decals on it, the last thing I would feel like is an MVP or a champion of any sort. Truth be told, I was almost in a position to sue those silly bastards for forcing me to piss myself from laughing so hard, it really caught me at the right time and no pain meds were involved. If you are going to own a scooter, keep the cool and edgy decals off of them. The least these stickers could be is realistic. For example, have it say, "Please don't sneeze or fart near me so I don't fall over" or "Please refrain from putting baseball cards in the spokes". How about this one, "Stand clear from the trimmer line" or "This Scooter didn't get indicted".

I think that's enough fun for now. VROOOOM VRRROOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Winger Does NOT Suck!

Let the beatings begin! I just know I'm gonna get a lot of shit for this, but...Anyway, this is coming from me, a musician and knows what the hell I'm talking about when I say the following, “Winger is NOT a shitty band!" I just got through listening to Reb Beach from Winger (on Eddie Trunk Live) who's pulling double duty playing for both Winger AND Whitesnake. Those 2 bands were huge in the 80's and are on the fast track to resurrecting their name and image. Reb actually was very cordial and gave a lot of props to one of the greatest guitarists EVER, John Sykes (no one under the age of 30 can even tie John's shoes). Winger got a lot of shit from the get-go about everything that they were and I call horse shit! This is all that whiny pussy's fault, Lars Ulrich (once one of my favorite drummers). If anything, he fanned the flames during interviews and having the famous "Kip Winger Dartboard".

The guys in Winger have great resumes. Kip played with Alice Cooper, Reb played/plays with Night Ranger, Whitesnake and Dokken, Paul Taylor played with Aldo Nova and Alice Cooper and Rod Morganstein who played with the Dixie Dregs. Point is, if you think Winger sucks, remember that these guys were good enough for the previous gigs they played and saying they suck means saying all the bands I mentioned suck, so know your history. Seems like all the people who I ever met that always talked shit about Winger was not a musician or at least a half decent one.

Growing up, I heard all the Winger jokes and yes I laughed at them(because it was funny so of course I'll laugh), but I still made a case for them after hearing the joke to much ridicule by the other party(see the last line of the previous paragraph). Bottom line, Winger is a hell of a band and they're still together and still touring, which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of other bands who people thought were better. So, still think they suck? Let the beatings begin

Friday, February 15, 2008

Piss On Recordings!

No one hates talking to a recording more than me and it appears the people at GETHUMAN are as well. The link provided will give you 500 companies and how to get to their "human" operators. To the right, it gives you info on what to push or say. This is good info to keep on your favorites, God knows this topic is more top heavy than Dolly Parton in a centrifuge. Here are some tips from the same website on how to get human operators elsewhere.

That Ain't Right!

I already have enough to bitch about, so I'll let anybody post what they want. I've been so high the last few days, I got a good up close look at that satellite we're about to shoot down. Keith Richards just called me and said I needed help and Lindsey Lohan just won't stop calling. I'm entering the withdrawl phase as we speak, I feel it's time to kick my new friend to the curb.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I Still Love Winter, But Ice Sucks.

The main reason why I say this is because yesterday, I did a half gainer of the top of my steps and took a shot to the small of my back, courtesy of the edge part. Sitting is a problem, but lying flat is an even bigger problem. HOWEVER, things are getting better now, I have Hydrocodone and Skelaxin(ask for them by name). I'd like to thank my connections in the M.L.B for the hookup.

This stuff is great, I cant even feel my fingers typing this out right now. This reminds me of when I was in college in '89 and on Sunday's when you couldn't buy booze in Arkansas, but you could still buy NyQuil and Sudafed. Needless to say I didn't catch a cold for years.

One should not post while high so for those of you reading this right now, do not attempt this at home, I will not be responsible for your actions...or mine for that matter.

This has been a drug induced thought from a once sober mind.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Just What Qualifies As "Bad Enough" Weather?

Today Missouri State cancelled classes, but they waited until 6:30 to call it a day. What-in-THE-HELL are you nimrod(s) thinking by waiting that long?!?! I personally know a handful of students who have to drive from Branson to attend class and Mizz State wants to wait 'til the last possible second to call off classes, I'm sorry but that's fucked up! Even your inclement weather policy states that the decision is to be made before 6:00. Ever heard of erring on the side of caution? I know it's a no win situation to make a call with limited info, so why chance it? You either look like a pussy for closing too soon or you're an idiot for waiting too late. Jobs are lost primarily on the later, mind you. What ever happened to "Safety First"? Ya know, I believe Fat Jack may have touched on this a wee bit awhile back.

So it's a tough decision, so what, GROW A SET! Throw on a fresh set of panties; you get paid big bucks to make big decisions. Earn your keep, bitches!

This post would have been made sooner, but my internet provider was busy getting the rich people up and running first. I won’t say who they (The ISP)are, but if for some reason I make a…sudden link to the internet, I’ll be happy.

Added note: Just got everything back on at 8 P.M. Maybe now they’ll consider burying that damn cable.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Finally, I Have My Proof!

Some time ago, I was talking to my best friend. He told me that CFL's were a load of shit and that the mercury content was being overlooked. I told him that they weren't loaded down with mercury to the point of being concerned, but I didn't have an exact number to give him(I hate this kind of arguing without tangible documentation). I forgot about the "discussion" 'til I came across this article which gave me the documentation that I needed and was too lazy to dig up on my own. Besides, I have found sources, but they always conflicted. On top of that, I don't like using company info as a source(I.E. GE's own web page) because it may be biased. This article has great sources and did a lot of research work that I don't have the patience for. Here are a few examples of the savings:

A 26 watt CFL has the lumens(amount of light projected) that a 100 watt bulb has. As you can probably tell, uses nearly a fourth of the energy. Translates to this:
1 26 watt CFL saves 126 kilowatts of electricity per year. Remember that's PER BULB! This not only translates to an energy savings as a customer, but it translates to 170 lbs of CO2 emissions as well as a patron of this rock we live on. So, you do the math yourself as to how much you can save in your own home. I use primarily 13 watt bulbs, so the savings double. The info is there, just plug and chug.

What about the Mercury? Chris, if you are reading this by now, this info is for you. The average CFL has 4 milligrams of Mercury and those amounts are getting lower as the technology of the industry gets further along. That's less than a fifth of what a watch battery has, or less than 1 per cent of an old school thermometer. This article even addresses some of the myths and fears faced with CFLs including the,"What if I break a bulb?" horror scenario:

"Even a broken CFL bulb won't leak too much toxic metal. According to the EPA, just 6.8 percent of the mercury in a CFL bulb—that's at most 0.34 milligrams—is released if it shatters. OSHA's permissible exposure limit for mercury vapor in the workplace is 0.1 milligrams per cubic meter, so you'd have to break that bulb in an extremely cramped space for there to be an appreciable hazard."

Okay that's enough work for me, if you want more, read the article yourself and stop listening to the mongering of those who still want to buy those cheap ass incandescent bulbs. Hopefully the light bulb in your heads have been turned on by this. God, I hate exploring my geek public.

Friday, February 8, 2008

That Ain't Right!

It's that time again to...ah, to hell with it, you know the drill. I'll start off with the reunion of N.K.O.T.B. You guys sucked prong then and guess what? You still do now! Bottom line, THAT AIN"T RIGHT!

A very complex thought from a very simple mind.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Complaints Department Endorses...OZZY!

Dear Diary of a Madman,

The Complaints Department PROUDLY endorses Ozzy Osbourne for President. Right now this nation needs a leader, a true man of the people. A man to get both Democrats and Republicans to rally behind him. Someone to get the world to love us again and not fear or be pissed at us. Don’t think of him as a push over though, step out of line and he’ll bite your head off…LITERALLY! What country wouldn’t want Ozzy for a visit? Have a meeting, have an Ozzfest and there ya go, everyone’s happy. The T-shirt sales alone could settle the national debt. Here’s another scenario, instead of an “Oil for Food” program we could have an “Oil for OZZY” program. This is a win-win I tell you. If you give it a chance to sink in, it just makes sense.

I got a chance to look into Ozzy’s soul and I saw a man that could bring peace to a world obsessed with war. Ozzy brings a message peace, prosperity and kick ass Rock n’ Roll! We also won't have to worry about someone who can just give a good speech, but can't back it up, besides Ozzy’s normal speech sounds like Katherine Hepburn while running a jack hammer. Nevertheless, I also hope that if elected Ozzy will spend his time trying to heal this world and stop putting out more crappy albums. “No More Tears” was Ozzy’s perdendo and with that needs to take himself in a different direction and this country WILL follow!

Your humble civil servant,

The Complaints Department Manager

So, get ready to hear the State of the Union Jack. Take heed all, THE OZZMAN COMETH!!!

Again, this has been a complex thought from my simple mind.

Sunday Morning Blasphemy

C'mon laugh! I won't tell anyone. By the way, this is post #99 for me. Next time, for the big 100, I'll have to do something special...hmmm, what to do.......

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Newer Cars Are A Bitch To Work On.

WARNING: All who are bored easily with car shop talk, please disregard reading further.

Signed, The Management

I can remember way back when....I had a Porsche 914 and man was it easy to work on. I get this new ride(I have dubbed the Stinger Missle) and work on it! I had my "check engine light" go off and so I let the great guys at Auto Zone give it the gratuitous free scan tool check and they say that it just gave a dealership code(more on dealerships later), so they don't know "clearly" what it could be. Well, the car runs normal but, the gas mileage went to shit! So, my hypothesis is that it is an O2 sensor, only thing that makes sense since there is no sputtering(fuel pump). As you can see by the photo, this is what a blown O2 sensor looks like. Smoked like a quarter sack at a Pink Floyd concert. Hypothesis quickly turns to theory. The big issue for me here was the location: under the car, inside the wheel well and close to the frame, I.E. NO DAMN WORKING ROOM! The old cars had plenty of wiggle room where as now you have to drop the engine just to change the oil and spark plugs.

I am too lazy to change my own oil, but as soon as I heard "Dealership", I could feel an irresistable pull on my credit card that was going end up being used for a bill that would land me in the hospital with an aneurysm. So, my inner grease monkey got the dust knocked off of him and got put to work.

What a waste of a great day. (end of rant)

Friday, February 1, 2008

I'll Take On Any of You Little Bastards That Get In My Way!


I hijacked this info from Dr. Sardonicus and I'm still laughing my ass off!
This brings new meaning to Five for Fighting.

That Ain't Right!

Yes, I'm gonna try it again, this time with a new title. Formerly known as the Complaint Box, now just titled, "That Ain't Right!" Been slighted, wronged or just wanna tell somebody to go to hell? Well let it out here and feel better. Example: Sniderman has a problem with padidles(thought I forgot?). I'll kick it off by telling Williams Heating and Cooling, "You cheaky bastards charged me $140 for just labor replacing a fan that was under warranty, you ought to be kicked in the ding ding for me having to take that in the ass without the benefit of a reach around or a kiss on the neck! Blow me!"