Saturday, June 28, 2008

Paul Walker and Vin Diesel Are an Axis of Evil

I've witnessed and experienced WAY too much bad news lately. So, I'm going to do what any red blooded American would do at a time like this, launch an offensive campaign to distract you from the bad things going on. I start with taking a shot at the new (ugh, dear God) Fast and the Furious 4 movie set to be released some time next year. With the price of gas the way it is, they'll have to charge $15 a ticket just to recover the cost of fuel for this soon to be crappy flick. *sniff* *sniff* What is that disgusting smell? Oh yeah, it's Paul Walker's dead and decaying career left laying out in the sun. Paul Walker who is fast turning himself into John Ritter in the sense that he doesn't know how to turn down a script. And Vin Diesel, Vin Vin Vin Vin, VIN! When are you ever going to learn to NOT do the same? When the producer asks you to lunch to go over the script, you eat the free lunch and before you commit to the script, excuse yourself to the restroom then slip out the front door, it's easy and simple, just like the range in your acting abilities.



What was that? Oh, just our careers, leaving us in the dust.

Another thing that disturbs me about this thing is that there is a disturbing rumour that they will be using a choice number of Subaru STI's in the film. This may keep me awake at night. This string of F&F movies have such corny catch phrases and one liners it could be tapped as source for Ethanol. I mean, are the producers in that much of a need for a write off? Here are a few possible additions to the title:

Fast and the Furious 4: The Horse Isn't Dead and It's Pinata Time!
Fast and the Furious 4: Because Our Houses Are In Foreclosure.
Fast and the Furious 4: Killing Our Careers...Just To Watch Them Die!
Fast and the Furious 4: Next Stop...POWER WHEELS BEEEYOOOOTCH!
Fast and the Furious 4: This Thing Blows Like Kim Kardashian

and last, but not least
Fast and the Furious 4: Just One Last Thing to Blame George Bush and Congress For

You know this whole film really isn't necessary, I can entertain the masses with a simple .gif that is cheap, easy and environmentally friendly. Behold my version of a REAL entertaining Fast and the Furious movie that cuts through the crap, sums up what these movies are all about, is more entertaining and in the end will emphasize what will happen with Paul Walker's career:

8 comments:

Rhea said...

Have you seen Vin Diesel in The Pacifier? OMG, my kids LOVE that movie. hehe

Whiner Girl said...

What is it with Hollywood and endless streams of bad sequels. I just do not get it!!

Complaint Department Manager said...

Another thing that I saw in some of the screen shots was a (maybe an '87)Buick Grand National. I never knew why GM got away from that awesome power plat, it put out the fastest production cars in their class.

Rhea said...

I have a new look and a new address for my blog. So come visit when you have a change!!

http://texaswordtangle.blogspot.com

CHATTI PATTI said...

cdm: please email me immediately @ dcrw8490. my blog is set to private but i want you to be an invited reader.

patti

Complaint Department Manager said...

Chatti, care to elaborate on the domain? I was wondering when you were going to get around to your new status.

Anonymous said...

shutup you fool, paul walker has made some great movies, so has vin, and F&F4 will be awesome.

Complaint Department Manager said...

I'm getting this from a limey??? That's just damn funny.